4 Years and counting

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It seems like just yesterday we were laying on the beach, talking about online orders, enjoying a beach drink as the waves splashed over our toes. Then as night came we fixed a big dinner, played cards against humanity, joked about your new hat, listened to the ocean, sipped on our favorite Jameson drink, laughed and enjoyed our time together. I can’t believe that was 4 years ago. I miss you.

What was a magical week, and it was magical, turned into a distant memory I wish never ended. You are a figure that we can never replace. We have grown to build our own story with you forever in the back of our minds. Your smile, your goofy laugh, your loud snoring, your tenacity and dedication to work and family. We miss you.

So here we are 4 years later without you to provide guidance and love. You have a beautiful and spunky grandchild Cruz. Your wife has become an independent force that you would be so proud of. Your baby girl is beyond successful and a beaming representation of you. The family unit that you made so much a part of your life has grown in your memory. They knew they had to go on. They had to be brave. They had to be strong. They knew you would be looking over them. You are here and have made the past 4 years something we can all bring into the next 4+ years. Your kindness and focus on family has given us the strength to remember and be strong. We miss you.

This day comes with happy and sad

There is pain and sadness when I think of August 30th. I had to let you go. I had to watch you struggle and knew you wouldn’t come back. I had to grow up in a second to be a pillar of hope for your family. I had to become something I never thought I would need to be for many years. I had to say goodbye.

I remember that day as if it was yesterday. Loading up the van with all of our gear, enjoying your favorite Hawaii fish sandwich, schlepping all of our beach chairs across the sand, checking in with the beach shop to see if we could get water “noodles”, convincing you to go snorkel. We swam, we laughed, we took pictures, then everything changed. It was your time and I hope, if you can hear me, that I tried my best to do everything. I didn’t want to lose you. Unfortunately, God had another plan.

For years I embraced you as a father figure when my own was hundreds of miles away. I respected your passion in family and hard work. From college parties, super bowls, vacations, dinners, and everything in between you were always present in understanding and compassionate when we needed you. You gave us so much that its impossible to ever forget or let those memories go. We will never forget, we will always miss you.

I will always love you Greggerino, you were a true gentleman and caring soul on this earth. You were taken too early, you had something that everyone could learn from, you were unique. You were one of a kind. Thank you for everything you have done for me, your baby girl now my wife, your amazing wife that does so much for us, your legacy of compassion, your presence that I feel every day to get me through the good and bad times. On August 30th the world lost a great man, but we will never forget the imprint you left on us and those around you. I know you would be so proud of your family. We miss you always and forever.

Friends are Everything

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Friends come in many forms: mentors, schoolmates, people to lean on, and more. They help us keep everything real and bring us back to the life we have to live every day (sometimes in a bubble). I am thankful for the friends in my life. Some I see every day, some once a year, others even longer than I would want. But the time together makes it all worth it. After spending close to a week away from work and all the madness I got to see what true friendship is like. The immediate connection, our expanded families, immersive experiences I look forward to every time I see them. They embrace us like we see them every day. They take away our worries and troubles because they care and “want” to be there. I couldn’t be more grateful.

Friendship as a moment of growth

I love my friends and all they do. I would do anything for them. I don’t get to see them that much and that sucks, but everything above answers why I would call them “family” versus just “friends”. They also bring life and love to my family. Spending close to a week with a toddler isn’t easy (especially when he got sick), but they picked up the pieces instantly. They comforted him, they brought him in to the mix with their own kids, they were an extended source of parents when we needed it. We got to play “parents” to their kids when they needed it. I cherish the moments that we have as I see us growing old and watching our kids have the same friendship. It’s something I never had growing up but cherish now that I know my kids have lifelong families, even in different places. Once again, I couldn’t be more grateful. I thank you!

Mentors & Heroes that Shape Us

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There’s so some great things in this world. The times we look back, the times we think of what we have, the times that we feel for someone else. I tear up when I see the experiences when a dad returns from duty to surprise his sons after a year of being across the world. I respect him. I cry for him. I get it. Those are our heroes. They are their heroes! They are the people that create a life for my own child, my own family, my own personal experience. They make my cry and make me happy all day every day. So what do you as a person do to create an experience like that? You don’t have to dedicate your life or put yourself on the line that may involve death. You simply have to be just and kind. Be good, be respectful, be true to the human spirit.

So I cry when I see those things. I cry as I have always had my dad right next to me. I’m lucky. I appreciate that he may be quirky, a rogue bandit, but has always given me guidance and strength. I cry because I care and respect what I have. I take that understanding and point it towards what I have also lost. A great mentor. A great “second Dad” if you will. A driver of humility and compassion. I lost. I seek for a replacement, but know that there will never be one. There will never be. But I respect what I have as most don’t have that. Many struggle for answers and closure. I have a pillar of humanity I can rely on, my dad. I feel for those that don’t. I love my Dad, I love what he does and what he has done for me and my sister, and my Mom.

My Dad, My Mentor, Experiences Driven by Life

My Dad has always been a mirror of my own self-being. He’s tough, he created a business that gave my sister and I a better life, a home that we shared amazing experiences. He lit me up when I was out of line. We butted heads, we utilized my mom as the “peace keeper” during high school cause we agreed to disagree. But he’s my best friend (outside of Ashley today). He was the first employer to fire me (I was lazy). He gave me balance. He also has struggled through life and family. He made me a better person and stronger partner for those I work with. He inspired me with hard work brings great results.

I thank you Dad every day and always.

my dad

Where We Began

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Life as a young “go for everything” type of child I knew that I could create trouble, be a mischievous wild man. My parents didn’t like that. I don’t blame them. I disappeared without notice. That cannot happen in today’s world. I remember getting ready for school and sneaking out to ride skateboards on my butt using my socks as the brakes. I went to school with holes in my socks. I was crazy. I also snuck out when we were moving to our new home to build a snow fort in my neighborhood friend’s backyard. That fort collapsed, and it became serious situation. My friend was ok after digging and digging. My mom was pissed. I don’t blame her. She was and has always been my protector. She always looked to where I was. I was crazy, but she is always there for me.

So that brings a great topic. Our parents bring something of understanding and protection throughout our lives. They care. They struggled to create us and they make things work. I think of that being a father now. I want everything for my little man. Cruz is the absolute best thing that has ever come in to my life, beyond my love for his mom. She is his rock. She takes pride in providing everything he needs and wants. I love her for that. The beginning of life is what shapes us as adults and members of this thing we call life. Mothers are where it begins.

my mom keena ludwig

A letter to my Wife

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There are times that are hard, times that are taxing, times that we love, laugh, cry, contemplate, celebrate, and more. I Love you! You are the most important person that has ever happened to me. You make me whole. You remind me that life is not about money or material crap that we can be mad about not working. You make me whole. I love the spirit you have. The drive to make a difference in your own life. The love you have for our child (and he loves you whole hearted). The special aspects or your father that made you the person you are today. You are special. You are a shining reflection of what is good in this world. You are my world. I’ll love you til the day I die. Ill love you for everything you represent. You are strong. You are caring. You are everything a man or father could pray for. You are my best friend and I love you for that. Don’t ever give up on your drive, don’t ever give up on what you makes you happy, don’t ever think that we will love less. We love you! We appreciate you! We appreciated everything you do!

Remembering the Best

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Throughout life we all have those that shaped us, molded our feelings, created models that we would one day follow and fulfill. They are our mentors. They can be physical mentors we see every day but also those we find through books, tv, or some other source. But they change and mold you to who you are today and who you may become. So, who is your mentor? Your spiritual source?  I know mine.

In 2014, I lost one of the most amazing people that have graced this earth. He was kind. He was compassionate. He was family oriented. He was a great leader. He was understanding. He was fun. He was always open to change and took the high road at all time. He was a legend. He gave me everything from day one. He never judged me. He gave me his daughter whole heartedly. He chose me to send him to the afterlife. I miss him every day.

greg eveloff in maui

Some things can never be expressed. Your love, your every moment with someone else. Life will go on. The world will continue to change as new life is created and old lives end. It sucks, but that’s life. Cherishing those moments are what create your legacy. Our moment in time is what makes us special. It’s also what makes others remember us for what we offered to the world we all have to continue living in.

greg eveloff

Remembrance is key. People suffered, loved, lived before you could take your first breathe. Remember that. The greats and inspirational people before us sacrificed something to give you a better life. They should be remembered as the source of your being, but more importantly the life values you follow. Greg Ira Eveloff was and will forever be my source of human will, passion, drive, selflessness. He was and will forever be my hero.

Saying Goodbye and Reflection

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In the story of life you have 80-100 years to make a difference, create family, create life, navigate good and bad times. That’s life. You aren’t going to live forever. You aren’t going to accomplish everything you wanted to.  But we always return to saying goodbye to those we love. Those we looked up to and struggle to compete against and those that we didn’t know but want to be. They are the identifiers that we live by in our early stages. They are our heroes/mentors/etc. They form our personal goals.

So what happens when they say goodbye for the last time? They take that next step to the other side of life and leave you to complete the path. They were the foundation. What do you take from that experience? What do you do to expand their mission? Do you stop, reflect, and sit within your current day to day? What do you do? No one but you can answer that….

Reflections

I personally struggle talking about past experiences, but feel they are important. I was introduced to someone that took life to the next level. He thought of family as most important, but took an extra step to engage with those that didn’t have what he had, or couldn’t achieve what he accomplished (it all takes time). He created his own path with struggle, so be clear it wasn’t given. He hustled and worked hard. He gave back even though he didn’t have to. Kids, families, struggling people that couldn’t do it on their own, he took responsibility as a human and dedicated time to make their lives better. He was a super hero. He continues to be my hero. Sadly I held my super hero as he faded off to the sky.

Self Maintenance

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Life is an ever-changing role of give and receive. What can you do today that you may need to reflect on tomorrow? Success, pain, heartbreak, breakthroughs. As a person in this world you have to reflect on what you are doing now and what may come in the future. It’s not easy. It’s not promised. It’s what you make of it. So think of your self. Think of what provides a meaning to you and those around you that contribute to your self satisfaction. You have one life to live and that is what defines your legacy. Most will be forgotten and dismissed, but what is your end goal on how YOU want to be remembered? Do you care? Do you want to be part of a conversation? That’s up to you.

Expectations

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What do you expect to do within your time on this earth? What do you expect from others in your life that can impact your thoughts and processes? Is it family life? Is it being a friend? Is it being a source of truth that someone else can rely on? Is it listening in and making a recommendation? What is “it”?

“It” Is the center of your core. It’s your humanity, your selflessness, your compassion, your memory.

Expectations are driven by what you see or what you feel that you “should have”. I’ve felt this way and I always wondered what my life would be if my parents were millionaires. I fantasized. I dreamed beyond my means. I even lived beyond my means, in real life. I now pay the prices of that. Debt. Payments. Responsibilities. That was all a fad or misbelief on what I should be doing or be in the eyes of those around me. I failed.

I was an idiot and I now look at what my expectations should truly be (if I only had a time machine….). Be smart, work hard, make a difference, be present in your space, and most importantly show that you can be a benefit to the world. I struggled to make a life outside of Utah even though Utah would’ve been a sound financial move. I could’ve continued the steady path to a great life. BUT, I took a chance on making a stance that I could dream beyond where I began. I wanted to see what wasn’t promised or expected. I will never regret that choice. I met great people. I began a life journey with someone that I would give everything for, my wife Ashley. I joined a family that showed no prejudice or judgement other than my character. They brought me in with open arms. I have friends and relationships that I never would have found in Utah. I gave life. I have more responsibility. I have an opportunity to shape the next generation, even though it’s a small piece of the world. I have family. I never expected family other than my parents and sister. I never expected to be a source of love beyond myself. But it happened. I couldn’t be more grateful.

Expectation cannot define you. You alone can define what you expect of yourself.