Acceptance: choosing to live versus fight

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When I think back on all of the things that have molded me into who I am today: the pain, life lessons, happiness and joy, struggles, and the list goes on; I tend to hone in on the bad. Why did I do that? What made that outcome any better for others rather than me? Why me? Why now? Why can’t I choose happiness more? Why…….

The reality is that I still don’t know the answer to any of those questions regardless of the outcomes. My mind plays tricks ensuring that I remember all of the pain and dark moments. It convinces me that to bypass everything amazing in my life to focus on the what-ifs. It’s a terrible way to live. It’s a constant circle of wanting to be optimistic, wanting to be more, wanting to be the person everyone else sees me as. I want to accept myself.

So there’s the choice: Accept that you can be happy and that bad times truly do make you stronger. Accept that you have the courage and tools to get back on track. Accept the ability in yourself to find happiness even in the bad. Accept the choice to change….or this mental hell will eventually take its toll.

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”

So today I have to understand that my mental journey is mot one I have to do alone. It is filled with support as long as I can accept it as part of my process. I have to ask for help. I can do this! Understanding that the voices in my head cannot define me is the biggest struggle I have. I believe, to some extent, that I am not good enough for my family, my job, my future, even though everything around me tells me differently. The people that love me, the random praise for working hard, being someone that others can confide in. Now why can’t I be that confidant for myself? Should be easy, right? Doubtful, but all I can do is try.

This is just another step in my process to acceptance. Writing these words and defining how I see myself today can only help add context in to where I need to go. I have too much to lose in this life to give up now.

10 ways to practice self-acceptance

A good place to start is to think of the things that make you special. Ask yourself how these differences may benefit you in the future and how they add value to your life.

It’s important not to focus on the things you can’t change. You may find it helpful to write a letter to yourself about letting go of what you can’t change and welcoming the things you love about yourself.

Write down the things you’re good at and/or love to do (e.g. sports, music, art, etc.). Practicing these activities regularly can help you feel more confident in your abilities.

Set a few realistic goals for yourself and create a plan to meet them (this may also help with your self-esteem). Don’t forget to reward yourself when you meet a goal!

Make a list of everything you’ve accomplished so far and add to it regularly. Post your list someplace where you can see it often. Be proud of yourself!

If you can, try to avoid the people and/or things that challenge your self-acceptance. Memorize a few go-to thoughts you can say to yourself if you begin to doubt or question your worth (some people call these thoughts affirmations).

Remember to speak kindly to yourself and turn any self-critical, negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Don’t be too hard on yourself or compare yourself to others.

Consider a few things you can do to treat yourself and spend quality time on your own (e.g. taking a warm bath, going for a walk in nature, etc.). It’s also important to take care of yourself by eating right, sleeping enough and exercising regularly.

Volunteer, get a part-time job or try a new extracurricular activity to learn more about yourself, what you enjoy and what you’re good at.

You can always share your feelings with people you trust such as family and friends. (You could even try asking them to name two or three things they like about you.)

Everyone’s journey to self-acceptance is different, but you can learn to be comfortable in your own skin.

 

THE Mental MOUNTAIN: Getting Over the Hump

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No matter how you describe your internal battle, it always seems to come down to facing a theoretical mountain of SHAADE ahead of you. Tackling your fears and lack of confidence starts with understanding your “mountain”. The foundation starts with the flat base of easy wins, the obstacles you face all the time but you have dealt with and won….or maybe lost and felt ok acceptance. These can be composed of happy or sad, but they are the foundations to your happiness.

The middle layer makes up the confusing and more difficult aspirations. It’s rocky (instability, anxiousness), filled with multiple paths (rights/wrongs, relationships, physicality), dangers that lurk around unknown turns (pain, rejection, loss), and it seems to never end (disappointment, doubt, repetition). The last challenge is taking on the top, the most difficult part of your journey. These are life events that require complete commitment, might never be achievable, but can change your life and those around you.

As I try and find my way over the mountain, I find that most of my constant mental battle lives in the middle layer. My middle layer seems bigger than it should be. It’s filled with obstacles that I know I can overcome, but the path seems to get more and more “rocky” due to voices and perception I put on myself. The path gets unclear, my mind can’t choose the right turn, I feel that I go around in circles, when will I reach a peaceful valley…..

“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustrations were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.”

 

The best way that I have been able to compartmentalize my inner struggle is to break down the sections in to sizable chunks. If I can turn the middle layer and all of its challenges in to mini layers, then my mind can let go of seeing these as ONE BIG mental headache, but more of mini tasks with more WINs along the way. For my first mini mountain, I have chosen to work on my lack of confidence in where my life is at today. The past month has been confusing. The uncertainty in the workplace, the slow pace that occurs at the start of the year, viewing others’ successes as personal failures, not thinking you make a difference to those around you, etc. I know most of it isn’t even relevant, but my mind has other thoughts. It is trying its hardest to bring in depression and anxiety. This is my mental problem and I know I can beat it.

The success of overcoming this mini mountain will come to light over the next couple of weeks, but for now I have to believe:

I CAN be confident. I CAN change my way of thinking. I KNOW I can get through this hump.