Supporting others with Mental Health Issues – Learn the significance of providing support to individuals with mental health challenges, the importance of reducing stigma, and practical ways to help, along with available community resources and the benefits of meditation for mental well-being.
Understanding the Significance of Supporting Others with Mental Health Issues
Supporting individuals with mental health challenges is paramount for their overall well-being and recovery journey. By offering a listening ear, practical assistance, and emotional support, friends and family members can significantly impact the lives of those struggling with mental health issues. For example, simply being present and showing empathy towards someone sharing their mental health struggles can create a safe and supportive environment for them to open up and seek help.
Moreover, understanding the importance of supporting others with mental health challenges goes beyond just offering assistance; it involves actively engaging in their journey towards mental well-being. Research has shown that individuals who receive consistent support during their struggles with mental health are more inclined to participate in treatment and are more likely to experience positive outcomes. By fostering a sense of community, providing a non-judgmental space for individuals to express themselves, and breaking the stigma surrounding mental health, the support system plays a pivotal role in the recovery process.
Importance of Supporting Others with Mental Health Issues
Supporting someone with mental health issues goes beyond offering a helping hand; it is about creating a safe and nurturing environment for them. When individuals feel supported, they are less likely to experience feelings of isolation and are more inclined to share their struggles openly. For example, by actively listening to a friend dealing with anxiety, you can help them feel heard and understood, which can alleviate their sense of loneliness and promote emotional well-being.
Moreover, research has shown that individuals who have a strong support system in place are more likely to engage in treatment and have better treatment outcomes. For instance, a study by SAMHSA revealed that individuals with mental health challenges who receive support from loved ones are more motivated to seek professional help and follow through with treatment plans, leading to improved mental health outcomes. This highlights the vital role that friends, family, and communities play in the recovery journey of individuals struggling with mental health issues.
Furthermore, providing support to those facing mental health challenges contributes to the broader goal of breaking the stigma surrounding mental health. By offering empathy, understanding, and practical assistance, we create a culture of compassion and acceptance, where individuals feel comfortable seeking help without fear of judgment. This supportive environment not only benefits the individual directly but also fosters a sense of community and togetherness in addressing mental health issues collectively.
Ways to Provide Support and Help
When supporting someone with mental health issues, active listening is a powerful tool that involves not just hearing but fully engaging with what the individual is expressing. It entails giving your undivided attention, showing empathy by acknowledging their feelings, and refraining from passing judgment on their experiences or emotions. For example, when a friend shares their struggles with anxiety, active listening would involve responding with statements like, “I hear you, and your feelings are valid. How can I best support you right now?” This approach creates a safe and supportive space for open communication, allowing the individual to feel heard and understood.
In addition to active listening, providing practical help can significantly impact someone’s mental well-being. Simple acts like assisting with household chores, running errands, or preparing meals can alleviate the daily stressors that individuals dealing with mental health issues may find overwhelming. For instance, offering to do grocery shopping for a friend experiencing depression can ease the burden of everyday tasks and provide much-needed relief. By offering tangible support, you not only show that you care but also help lessen the practical challenges that can exacerbate mental health struggles.
Moreover, encouraging individuals to prioritize self-care practices is essential for their overall well-being. Suggesting activities like regular exercise, mindfulness meditation, or maintaining a balanced diet can positively impact their mental health. For example, recommending a daily walk in nature to a loved one coping with stress can promote relaxation and emotional balance. By emphasizing the importance of self-care, you empower individuals to engage in activities that nurture their mental, emotional, and physical health, contributing to a holistic approach to well-being.
Community Resources Available for Mental Health Support
Accessing community resources is essential for individuals facing mental health challenges. In addition to organizations like Mental Health America and SAMHSA’s National Helpline, there are various local resources that can provide support tailored to specific needs. For instance, many communities have mental health clinics or non-profit organizations that offer counseling services, support groups, and educational workshops. These resources can be valuable in providing individuals with a network of professionals and peers who understand their struggles and can offer guidance.
Furthermore, digital platforms have become increasingly popular for mental health support. Websites and apps like Talkspace, BetterHelp, and 7 Cups provide online therapy sessions, peer support forums, and self-help tools accessible from the comfort of one’s home. These virtual resources can be particularly beneficial for individuals who may have difficulty accessing traditional in-person services or prefer the anonymity and convenience of online support networks. For example, someone experiencing social anxiety may find it easier to engage in therapy through a virtual platform, breaking down barriers to seeking help.
It’s important to recognize that community resources extend beyond clinical support. Local community centers, religious organizations, and recreational groups often host events and activities that promote mental well-being. These social outlets can reduce feelings of isolation, boost self-esteem, and create a sense of belonging. Participating in community-based initiatives not only supports mental health but also fosters social connections and a sense of purpose, which are crucial elements in overall well-being.
Benefits of Mental Health Meditation
Engaging in mental health meditation practices offers a myriad of benefits that can positively impact individuals struggling with their mental well-being. For instance, mindfulness meditation, a common technique, encourages individuals to focus on the present moment without judgment. By incorporating mindfulness into their daily routine, individuals can cultivate a greater awareness of their thoughts and emotions, leading to reduced stress and anxiety levels.
Moreover, deep breathing exercises, often integrated into meditation practices, have been shown to have a profound impact on mental health. By practicing deep breathing techniques during meditation sessions, individuals can activate their body’s relaxation response, which in turn helps lower heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and alleviate symptoms of depression. This simple yet powerful technique can be a valuable tool for individuals navigating mental health challenges, offering a sense of calm and tranquility amidst life’s stressors.
Additionally, the regular practice of meditation can contribute to enhanced emotional resilience, allowing individuals to better cope with adversities and uncertainties in life. By dedicating time to meditation, individuals can strengthen their ability to bounce back from setbacks, manage difficult emotions, and maintain a positive outlook. This increased emotional resilience not only benefits mental well-being but also fosters a sense of empowerment and self-efficacy in facing life’s challenges.
Understanding Men’s Mental Health Challenges
Men face unique mental health challenges due to societal norms that associate masculinity with strength and emotional suppression. These expectations often create barriers for men in seeking help for their mental well-being, as they may fear being perceived as weak or vulnerable. For instance, traditional gender roles dictate that men should remain stoic and resilient in the face of adversity, making it difficult for them to express their emotions openly or seek professional support when needed. This stigma surrounding men’s mental health can lead to feelings of isolation and exacerbate existing mental health conditions.
Moreover, the impact of these societal pressures is evident in the alarming statistics related to male suicide rates. Men are significantly more likely to die by suicide than women, highlighting the urgent need to address the specific mental health needs of men. For example, factors such as limited emotional outlets, reluctance to seek help, and the normalization of toxic masculinity contribute to the higher prevalence of suicide among men. By understanding and challenging these harmful stereotypes, we can create a more supportive environment that encourages men to prioritize their mental well-being and seek assistance without judgment.
By embracing sensitivity and vulnerability as strengths rather than weaknesses, men can cultivate healthier attitudes towards mental health. Encouraging open conversations about emotions, promoting self-care practices, and fostering empathetic relationships can empower men to navigate their mental health challenges effectively. When men feel safe to express their feelings and vulnerabilities, they are more likely to engage in self-care routines, seek professional help, and build resilience in the face of adversity. Embracing sensitivity not only benefits individual men but also contributes to breaking down the stigma surrounding men’s mental health, ultimately creating a more inclusive and supportive society.
Addressing Mental Health Stigma and Advocacy
Advocacy plays a crucial role in addressing mental health stigma by raising awareness about the complexities of mental health issues and the importance of seeking help without judgment. For instance, campaigns like “Movember” have successfully shed light on men’s mental health challenges, encouraging open discussions and promoting access to mental health resources for men. By actively advocating for mental health awareness, individuals can help normalize conversations about emotional well-being, fostering a supportive environment for those struggling with mental health issues.
Moreover, engaging in advocacy initiatives, such as lobbying for improved mental health services and resources, can lead to tangible changes in policy and funding allocation. For example, organizations like Mental Health America actively advocate for legislation that supports mental health parity, ensuring that mental health services receive the same level of importance and coverage as physical health services. These advocacy efforts not only benefit individuals in need of mental health support but also contribute to the broader goal of creating a society that values and prioritizes mental well-being for all its members. By participating in advocacy campaigns and initiatives, individuals can play a significant role in shaping a more empathetic and supportive environment for those dealing with mental health challenges.
Promoting a Supportive and Empathetic Environment for Mental Health Well-being
Creating a supportive and empathetic environment is essential for promoting mental health well-being among individuals facing mental health challenges. By offering a listening ear and non-judgmental support, friends and family members can significantly impact the recovery journey of their loved ones. For instance, simply being present and showing understanding can help individuals feel less isolated and more encouraged to seek professional help.
Moreover, community resources such as mental health hotlines and online support groups play a vital role in providing immediate assistance and a sense of belonging to those in need. These resources not only offer a platform for individuals to share their experiences but also provide valuable guidance and coping strategies for managing mental health conditions[6]. For example, organizations like Mental Health America and SAMHSA offer a wide range of services, from crisis intervention to treatment support, contributing to a holistic approach to mental health care.
In conclusion, fostering a supportive and empathetic environment is not only beneficial for individuals with mental health challenges but also helps break the stigma surrounding mental health in society. By advocating for mental health awareness and promoting access to resources, we can create a more inclusive and understanding community that prioritizes emotional well-being and supports those in need. Ultimately, it is through collective efforts and compassion that we can make a positive impact on individuals’ mental health journeys and contribute to a healthier and more empathetic society.
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In today’s fast-paced world, men’s mental health often goes under-discussed, leaving many to navigate their emotions in silence. The stigma surrounding sensitivity in men can lead to a host of mental health challenges. However, embracing sensitivity can be a powerful tool for personal growth and mental well-being. Our latest video, “Embracing Sensitivity: A Man’s Guide to Mental Health & Personal Growth,” dives deep into this topic, offering insights and strategies for men to reclaim their lives through the power of sensitivity.
Key Highlights from the Video:
Understanding Sensitivity: Sensitivity is not a weakness; it’s a strength that allows for deep connections and self-awareness. We explore how sensitivity impacts men’s mental health and why it’s crucial for personal development.
Challenges for Highly Sensitive Persons: Many men face unique challenges due to their sensitivity, including acute empathy, overstimulation, and emotional overwhelm. Our video offers practical advice on navigating these challenges and turning sensitivity into an advantage.
Advantages of Being Highly Sensitive: Sensitivity allows for a greater capacity for empathy, deeper relationships, and an enriched sense of the world around us. We highlight the benefits of sensitivity and how to leverage them in daily life.
Essential Mental Health Routines: Establishing mental health routines is critical for anyone looking to improve their well-being. We provide viewers with a guide to creating routines that prioritize self-care, including:
Meditation and mindfulness practices
The importance of positive self-talk
Techniques for building emotional resilience
Strategies for developing an awareness of emotions and feelings
Finding Meaning Through Kindness: The act of showing kindness and compassion not only benefits others but can also enhance one’s sense of purpose and self-worth. We discuss how these practices contribute to mental health and personal growth.
Why This Video Matters:
Men’s mental health is a critical issue that deserves attention and understanding. By breaking down the stigma and encouraging men to embrace their sensitivity, we open the door to a more empathetic and mentally healthy society. Our video aims to provide men with the tools they need to navigate their mental health journey with confidence and positivity.
Conclusion:
“Embracing Sensitivity: A Man’s Guide to Mental Health & Personal Growth” is more than just a video; it’s a call to action for men to recognize their sensitivity as a gift, not a burden. By addressing the challenges and highlighting the benefits of sensitivity, we hope to inspire men to embark on a journey of self-discovery and mental well-being. Remember, embracing your sensitivity can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life.
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Imagine walking through life with a heavy backpack that no one else can see. That’s the day-to-day reality for many men grappling with mental health issues—a journey often walked in silence due to an invisible yet burdensome stigma. The repercussions of this are profound, not just for the individuals but also for families and society at large. As we unpack the complexities of men’s mental health, we aim to foster an environment where the conversation is as open as the sky is wide. In doing so, we hope to chip away at the walls of stigma, brick by brick.
Through personal reflections and shared experiences, this article will navigate the landscape of mental health as it pertains to men. We’ll explore issues such as depression, anxiety, and the societal pressures that often silence those in need. By promoting understanding and empathy, we encourage a more inclusive dialogue. It’s time to extend a hand, to let men know they’re not alone, and to offer a beacon of hope in the often turbulent sea of mental well-being.
Understanding Men’s Mental Health
As I navigated the stormy seas of depression and anxiety, I often felt like an island, isolated by waves of societal expectations. Like many men, I was trapped in a cultural undertow that frowned upon emotional vulnerability. Society’s blueprint of masculinity—with its pillars of stoicism and self-reliance—can make reaching out for help feel like erecting a signal flare of weakness. 40% of men won’t talk about their mental health, often cloaked in the fear of being a burden or facing embarrassment.
The impact? It’s more than just personal turmoil; it echoes in our well-being. Men, who are far less likely than women to seek help, might wear a mask of aggression or numbness, unaware that these are cries for help from their mental health. It’s a sobering reality that men are over 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than women, a stark indicator of the silent battle many face.
But there’s hope. Breaking these chains requires courage—a different kind of strength. It’s about redefining bravery, not as silence, but as the audacity to speak out and seek support. It’s a journey we can navigate together, with empathy as our compass and understanding as our map.
The Importance of Seeking Help
As someone who has navigated the stormy seas of depression and anxiety, I know firsthand the life raft that professional help can be. It’s a beacon in the fog, guiding us back to calmer waters. Seeking help for mental health issues is not just about finding relief; it’s about reclaiming the helm of your life. Yet, the waves of stigma can make it hard to reach out.
Imagine, one in five adults grappling with mental illness annually, with a staggering number being our brothers, fathers, and friends. Men are often the silent sufferers, less likely to seek help, with untreated mental illness leading to dire outcomes such as substance misuse or suicide. It’s time to shatter the chains of stigma and recognize that vulnerability is not a weakness but a courageous step towards wellness.
Let’s change the narrative together. Whether it’s for ourselves or the men in our lives, reaching out for professional help is a sign of strength. It’s an act of self-care that every person deserves, and it could be the most important step you ever take.
Understanding the Signs and Symptoms
Navigating the rough waters of mental health can be particularly challenging for men. Often, symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse lurk beneath the surface, masquerading as irritability or a relentless work ethic. Unlike women, who may openly express sadness or hopelessness, men might hide their distress behind a facade of excessive drinking or a sudden obsession with fitness. Recognizing these signs is crucial, as they can manifest differently than in women.
For men, the traditional strong-and-silent typecast can obscure the need for help. Yet, early detection is the lighthouse guiding one back to safer shores. Symptoms such as changes in sleep patterns, unexplained physical pain, or a short fuse can signal an underlying mental health issue. It’s a sign to seek professional help, and doing so is a testament to strength, not weakness. With treatment, the fog of mental health challenges can lift, revealing a clearer path ahead. If you or someone you know is showing these signs, it’s time to reach out—because every man deserves to live a life anchored in well-being, not weighed down by stigma.
Overcoming Stigma and Cultural Barriers
Imagine carrying a boulder up a hill, only to be told that boulders are for trucks, not people. That’s how stigma feels when it weighs on men’s mental health. The cultural barriers and stigma attached to mental health can be as crippling as the disorders themselves, often preventing men from seeking the help they need. These barriers are rooted in social misperceptions and reinforced by masculine norms that equate emotional vulnerability with weakness.
However, just like a boulder, stigma can be chipped away. Here are some practical tips for men to overcome these barriers:
Treat mental health as you would a physical injury—seek professional help without shame.
Find strength in vulnerability by sharing your experiences with trusted friends or family members.
Utilize online support forums to connect with others anonymously, sharing struggles and solutions.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of courage, not weakness—it’s the first step towards lifting the weight off your shoulders.
Access to treatment can begin with resources like the Addiction Center for dual diagnosis or local community centers that offer a range of services to men in crisis, without the fear of stigma. Let’s reframe the narrative around mental health together, one step at a time.
Promoting Mental Health and Well-being
Embarking on the journey to mental well-being can feel like scaling a mountain, but remember, every step towards self-care and self-acceptance is a step upwards. For us men, acknowledging that it’s okay to not be okay can be like lifting a weight off our shoulders. We often wrap ourselves in a cloak of stoicism, but it’s time to trade that for a shield of resilience, woven with the threads of support and professional guidance.
As someone who’s danced with depression and tangoed with anxiety, I’ve learned that the path to mental fitness is not a solo act. It’s a group performance that involves reaching out, whether that’s to friends, family, or mental health professionals. The notion that seeking help is a sign of weakness is as outdated as floppy disks. It’s a strength, a courageous step in taking control.
Start by setting aside time for activities that recharge your batteries—be it a sport, hobby, or simply a walk in the park.
Regularly check in with yourself; how are you really feeling? It’s like performing regular maintenance on your car—it’s essential for a smooth ride.
And if the road gets bumpy, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Like a GPS, a therapist can help navigate the complex highways of your mind.
Remember, your mental health is just as crucial as your physical health. So, let’s normalize self-care and support each other in this shared human experience.
Breaking Gender Stereotypes and Promoting Open Conversation
As a society, we often paint mental health with a broad brush, but the canvas of the male psyche is textured with nuances that gender stereotypes tend to ignore. The societal expectation of stoicism in men can turn into a straitjacket, constricting the flow of honest emotions and leaving a trail of unspoken anxieties. It’s time to cut the ties that bind men to outdated norms and foster a culture of openness where conversations about mental health are as natural as talking about the weather. Through my own journey grappling with the shadows of depression and the unease of anxiety, I’ve learned that vulnerability is not a weakness but a courageous first step towards healing. Let’s champion mental health awareness and education for men, and encourage them to share their stories and seek support. Remember, the weight of silent battles is heavy; it’s only in sharing our load that we can truly move forward.
Resources for Men’s Mental Health
As a man who has navigated the choppy waters of depression and anxiety, I know firsthand the importance of reaching out for support. The journey to mental well-being is a personal odyssey, one that may require the guidance of a seasoned professional or the camaraderie of a support group. Men’s mental health resources are a beacon of hope, readily available for those ready to start their healing voyage.
Immediate assistance is just a text away with the Crisis Text Line; send “HOME” to 741-741 to connect with a crisis counselor.
For a variety of treatment options, the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-622-4357 offers referrals to treatment centers and support groups.
Empower yourself with knowledge by downloading the “Navigating a Mental Health Crisis” guide from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
Don’t let stigma anchor you down. Clinical trials and innovative treatments are within reach, as are skilled therapists who specialize in men’s mental health. Whether it’s through HeadsUpGuys or Therapy for Black Men, help is out there. Remember, taking the helm of your mental health is not just brave; it’s a testament to your strength.
Reflection
As we’ve journeyed through the labyrinth of men’s mental health, it’s become clear that breaking the stigma is akin to lifting a weight off the shoulders of countless men. It’s imperative to continue this dialogue, to transform whispers into conversations and shadows into light. I’ve grappled with the twin specters of depression and anxiety myself, and I know that seeking help was like finding a life raft in a stormy sea. It’s not just about surviving; it’s about thriving.
To all the men out there, your mental well-being is a priority, not a luxury. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s more than okay to reach out. The path to mental wellness is as unique as your fingerprint, and whether it’s through self-care, peer networks, or professional support, every step forward is a victory.
Let’s promise to be architects of hope, building bridges over the chasms of doubt and despair. Together, we can construct a world where every man has the support he needs to face his battles, and the strength to win them. Remember, your courage to face the darkness lights the way for others. You are not alone.
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Mental awareness is a complicated topic. It has endless variables of why, how, what. It is a beast that takes self control. It controls our thoughts and the overall perception we have of the world. It leads us to doubt ourselves, create scenarios that aren’t real, undervalue our worth, become a shell of depressed emotions, and on and on. How do we “own” it? How do we not hurt those around us by being selfish, by being REAL.
Self-awareness is something that we all can be better at. The struggle of being a better person, the idea that we “have” be compared to someone else, the “want” to be in a state of bliss and excitement, is something that floods our minds when we can’t be happy inside. STOP! You are worth it, you can be better, just be YOU!
For example, I created this experience online to voice my internal struggles. I am nowhere near perfect. I understand my faults. I do believe that I provide a meaningful life for those around me. I do feel loved and accepted. I do feel worthy of this life I have. I just wish my mind could do the same. Comparison to others and experiences is a disease in itself. STOP!
So here are some things to consider when going through life:
Accept the reality you currently have
Life can always get better
Take steps to better the internal perception you have (i.e. meditation is great, use it!)
Lean on others that love you, they want what’s best, accept it!
Don’t take your pain out on others, they don’t know what you’re going through, they may never understand
Cry sometimes, don’t hold it in, I promise it helps!
At the end of the day, we all struggle with acceptance, self-doubt, being the best version of ourselves, understanding that life has obstacles, it is amazing, it is be beautiful, it’s painful, it’s LIFE. Be grateful. Accept your pain and happiness. Be YOU! People love you and ultimately you should love yourself. You can only control what you manifest. Be happy, be YOU!
No matter how you describe your internal battle, it always seems to come down to facing a theoretical mountain of SHAADE ahead of you. Tackling your fears and lack of confidence starts with understanding your “mountain”. The foundation starts with the flat base of easy wins, the obstacles you face all the time but you have dealt with and won….or maybe lost and felt ok acceptance. These can be composed of happy or sad, but they are the foundations to your happiness.
The middle layer makes up the confusing and more difficult aspirations. It’s rocky (instability, anxiousness), filled with multiple paths (rights/wrongs, relationships, physicality), dangers that lurk around unknown turns (pain, rejection, loss), and it seems to never end (disappointment, doubt, repetition). The last challenge is taking on the top, the most difficult part of your journey. These are life events that require complete commitment, might never be achievable, but can change your life and those around you.
As I try and find my way over the mountain, I find that most of my constant mental battle lives in the middle layer. My middle layer seems bigger than it should be. It’s filled with obstacles that I know I can overcome, but the path seems to get more and more “rocky” due to voices and perception I put on myself. The path gets unclear, my mind can’t choose the right turn, I feel that I go around in circles, when will I reach a peaceful valley…..
“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustrations were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.”
Tony Robbins
The best way that I have been able to compartmentalize my inner struggle is to break down the sections in to sizable chunks. If I can turn the middle layer and all of its challenges in to mini layers, then my mind can let go of seeing these as ONE BIG mental headache, but more of mini tasks with more WINs along the way. For my first mini mountain, I have chosen to work on my lack of confidence in where my life is at today. The past month has been confusing. The uncertainty in the workplace, the slow pace that occurs at the start of the year, viewing others’ successes as personal failures, not thinking you make a difference to those around you, etc. I know most of it isn’t even relevant, but my mind has other thoughts. It is trying its hardest to bring in depression and anxiety. This is my mental problem and I know I can beat it.
The success of overcoming this mini mountain will come to light over the next couple of weeks, but for now I have to believe:
I CAN be confident. I CAN change my way of thinking. I KNOW I can get through this hump.
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I think one of the hardest parts of the mental health journey is the ability to accept and celebrate your internal happiness. What goals have you met? Did you make any promises to your self this week? Can you find happiness in others’ joy when you don’t feel your best? What are 3 things you love about your life right now? Can you just choose to believe you are on the right path to mental freedom?
Choosing to celebrate YOU can be tough. The thought of embarrassment, shame, shyness, what will people think when you share yourself? Well it’s time to take a leap of faith. You can sulk in the unknowns of your dark mind while others are begging to understand. You have to set yourself free from self ridicule and in to the light of acceptance or you’ll never give yourself a chance of moving forward.
I hope this website stands as my leap of faith. I’m still a little embarrassed or nervous about the reactions, but in days it’s been overwhelming support. People I didn’t even know are reaching out to say it was “brave”, “encouraging”, and so much more. I can now choose to tell myself the same thing. I helped someone. I can make a difference to my own mind but also to others. I took a step forward.
For that one initial post, I thank myself.
This is one step that I fought to take for so long. I kept it all in and to myself. I would never let anyone else know that I was proud of making a small improvement, nor would I ever explain the pain behind it. I lived in my own paradigm of light and dark. Today I’m one step closer to getting on the path to inner joy.
Surrender allows recovering Nice Guys to see each life experience as a “gift” from the universe to stimulate growth, healing and learning. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” the recovering Nice Guy can respond to life’s challenges by pondering, “What do I need to learn from this situation?
Robert A. GloverNo More Mr. Nice Guy
In this process I also learned to celebrate the joys of others too. To use their happiness not as a “poor me, I wish that was me” moment, but to apply their method or achievement as a goal of my own. Promotions, fitness goals, life changes, birthdays, etc. Learning to be happy for others in time of uncertainty can prep your thoughts on how others will be happy for you, and then how you can be happy for yourself.
So, start with the inside voice through self acknowledgment. Even on a bad day you lokely achieved something good that you won’t tell yourself. You woke up, you got ready, you read your kids a book, you did something! It’s ok to be happy!
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We all have that inner voice that compels us, tells us to do something, tells we aren’t worthy, we are not good enough, we can be better, we will never achieve greatness, we can do anything we put our mind to, we can change, we will fail, we will be better some day, we we we…… What does your voice tell you?
I certainly struggle with this every day. I expect the best but understand that I have obstacles, burdens, commitments, the strive to be the best self possible. It may not always be for me, for my family, for overall lifestyle, it is what it is. I suffer from the inner voice and its control over my every day life. #complacency
The voice can be good or bad, depending on the day, but it doesn’t have to be a WE. The “inner voice” has its own motives. It’s a calling to be better, to feel fulfilled, to be the best dad, the be the best husband. It can also break you down and make you look back on life in regret or self disappointment. It can also be your inner champion for growth OR your biggest critic. Can you channel the good and overcome the bad? I sure am trying.
At the end of the day we explore ourselves and we try and explain the reason we have life. We feel the burden, we feel the stress, we feel the need to be the pillar of strength to our family. We need more….we need to silence or learn to control the inner voice.
So here it is, I’m somewhat broken, I strive to be the pillar, I want to provide, I want to be more. I CAN! I can be the man i want to be! I can focus my mental thoughts on what matters most….ME.
In this book you can begin to realize that the inner voice begins with you and what you can do to better understand your feelings and emotions. You can be a fulfilled individual, you can be proactive in your own care, you can be the voice of reason that guides you to betterment. You can be you!
As I overcome my own personal battles I push this on to the others in the world who see hope as something they’ll never achieve. It comes down to courage and the willingness to try and learn. Don’t pin yourself down to no end, change the mindset to know that happiness is achievable. It’s there, you just have to want it.
Some key points:
“How come I always seem to give so much more than I get?”
“All I want is to be appreciated. Is that asking too much?”
“I can never do it right.”
Scream at yourself to be better
Be the man you want to be
Understand your worth
Be YOU
https://shaadelyfe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/screaming-at-the-inner-voice.png10241024shaade LYFEhttps://shaadelyfe.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/SHAADE-lyfe-logo-black.pngshaade LYFE2023-01-22 09:30:232023-01-21 05:55:22Shut it DOWN: The inner voice reality
I guess you can say that all aspects of life are built on perspective. Our goals to achieve, unexpected failure, the struggles of just living. From the beginning of our existence we have an ‘obligation’ to the rest of the world. We are meant to be “something” to someone, a better version of ourselves, grow on a certain path, or some body of thought that others look to. It comes down to “how hard do you need it to be”?. #yourchoice
If you or anyone you know has gone through a tough patch i’m pretty sure we’ve all heard the words “life isn’t easy”. Life sucks at times, it’s challenging, unforgiving, relentless, its always wants more, it needs more to get you to the next level. You cry, you laugh, you feel protected, your feel lost……all are normal and should be expected, BUT you need to want more.
I struggle with finding that “vision” of what life should be like. I see others flourish, I’m so happy for everyone else, I understand the struggle required, I feel I always come short, I don’t know how to be happy. I really have it all
That’s where messages and the belief in others’ perspectives can help you pull through. Case in point, here’s one the best speeches that hit home to me when I needed it. A #mental check from @officiallymcconaughey
NUMBER 1, LIFE’S NOT EASY…don’t try and make it that way. It’s not fair, it never was, it isn’t now, it won’t ever be. Do not fall into the entitlement trap of feeling you are a victim, you are not. Get over it and get on with it. And yes, most things are more rewarding when you break a sweat to get em.
2. “Unbelievable” is the stupidest word in the dictionary
It shouldn’t ever come out of our mouths.
To say, “What an unbelievable play!” It was an unbelievable book, film, act of courage…really?
It may be spectacular, phenomenal, most excellent and outstanding… but unbelievable? NO. Give others and yourself more credit. It just happened, you witnessed it, you just did it, believe it.
How about the other side of unbelievable? When we humans “under perform” or act OUT of character? — “man flies a suicide jet into the World Trade Center, millions die from diseases that we have cures for, Bob the builder swears he’ll have your house built by Thanksgiving and you can’t move in ’til Christmas, THE NEXT YEAR…” Our best friend lies to us, and WE, lie to our self, all the time…unbelievable? I don’t think so.. Again, it just happened, and it happens everyday …
NOTHING we homosapien earthlings do is unbelievable — one thing you can depend on people being…is people. So we shouldn’t be surprised, we are the trickiest mammal walking the planet!! (It ain’t the monkeys I’m worried about, it’s you and me.)
Acknowledge acts of greatness as real, and do NOT be naive about mankind’s capacity for evil nor be in denial of our own shortcomings.
NOTHING we do is unbelievable. Stupid word. Un-be-lievably stupid word.
3. Happiness is different than Joy
“I just want to be happy.” I hear that all the time. But what IS happiness? Happiness is an emotional response to an outcome — If I win I will be happy, if I don’t I won’t. An if-then, cause and effect, quid pro quo standard that we cannot sustain because we immediately raise it every time we attain it. You see, happiness demands a certain outcome, it is result reliant.
If happiness is what you’re after, then you are going to be let down frequently and be unhappy much of your time. Joy, though, is something else. It’s not a choice, not a response to some result, it is a constant. Joy is “the feeling we have from doing what we are fashioned to do,” no matter the outcome.
Personally, as an actor, I started enjoying my work and literally being happier when I stopped trying to make the daily labor a means to a certain end — I need this film to be a box office success, I need my performance to be acknowledged, I need the respect of my peers.
All reasonable aspirations but truth is, as soon as the WORK, the MAKING of the movie, the DOING of the deed became the reward in itself — I got more box-office, more accolades and respect than I’d ever had before. See, JOY is always in process, under construction — it’s in the constant approach, alive and well —in the DOING of what we are fashioned to do… and enJOYing doing it.
4. Define Success For Yourself
I went to a voodoo shop south of New Orleans a few years back — they had vials of “magic” potions stacked in columns with headings above each defining what they would give you — Fertility, Health, Family, Legal Help, Energy, Forgiveness, Money.
Guess which column was empty? Money. Let’s admit it, “money” is king today, makes the world go round. Money is SUCCESS, the more we have, the more “successful” we are, right?
I’d argue that our cultural values have even been financialized — humility is not in vogue anymore, it’s too passive. It’s a get rich quick on the internet, 15 minutes of fame world we live in. See it every day.
But, we all want to succeed right? Question we have to ask ourselves is, what success is to us, what success is to YOU. More money? OK, I got nothing against money. But maybe it’s a healthy family? A happy marriage? To help others? To be famous? To be spiritually sound? To leave the world a little bit better place than you found it?
Continue to ask yourself that question. Your answer may change over time and that’s fine, but do yourself this favor:
WHATEVER your answer is, DON’T CHOOSE ANYTHING THAT WILL JEOPARDIZE YOUR SOUL. PRIORITIZE WHO YOU ARE, WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND DON’T SPEND TIME WITH ANYTHING THAT ANTAGONIZES YOUR CHARACTER. DON’T DRINK THE KOOL AID!! It tastes sweet today but it will give you cavities tomorrow. Life is not a popularity contest. Be brave, take the hill but first, answer the question, “What is my hill?”
How do I define success? For me, it’s a measurement of five things — fatherhood, being a good husband, health, career, friendships. These are what’s important to me in my life.
So, I try to measure these five each day, check in with them, see whether or not I’m in the debit or the credit section with each one. Am I in the red or in the black with each of them?
For instance, sometimes my career is rolling (in the black) but I see how my relationship with my wife could use a little more attention. I gotta pick up the slack on being a better husband, get that one out of the red. Or say my spiritual health could use some maintenance (red) but hey, my friendships and social life are in high gear (black)… I gotta recalibrate, checks and balances, go to church, remember to say thank you more often. I gotta take the tally. Because I want to keep ALL 5 in healthy shape, and I know that if I DON’T take care of them, if I don’t keep up maintenance on them, ONE of them is going to get weak, dip too deep into the debit section, go bankrupt, get sick… die even.
So first, we have to DEFINE success for ourselves, then we have to put in the work to MAINTAIN it — take our daily tally, tend our garden, keep the things that are important to us in good shape.
Let’s admit it, we all got two wolves in us, a good one and a bad one, you know what I’m talking about — and they BOTH wanna eat… We just gotta feed that good wolf a little more than the other one.
5. Process of elimination is the first step to our identity (a.k.a where you are NOT is as important as where you are)
In 1992, I got my first job as an actor. Three lines, three days work, in a film called Dazed and Confused. Alright.
Alright, Alright, Alright.
The director, Richard Linklater, kept inviting me back to set each night, putting me in more scenes which led to more lines all of which I happily said YES to. I was having a blast. People said I was good at it, they were writing me a check for $325 a day. I mean hell yeah, give me more scenes, I love this!! And by the end of the shoot those 3 lines had turned into over 3 weeks work and “it was Wooderson’s ’70 Chevelle we went to get Aerosmith tickets in.” Bad ass.
Well, a few years ago I was watching the film again and I noticed two scenes that I really shouldn’t have been in. In one of the scenes, I exited screen left to head somewhere, then re-entered the screen to “double check” if any of the other characters wanted to go with me. Now, in rewatching the film, (and you’ll agree if you know Wooderson), he was not a guy who would ever say, “later,” and then COME BACK to “see if you were sure you didn’t wanna come with him..” No, when Wooderson leaves, Wooderson’s gone, he doesn’t stutter step, flinch, rewind, ask twice, or solicit, right? He just “likes those high school girls cus he gets older and they stay the same age.”
My point is, I should NOT have been in THAT scene, I should have exited screen left and never come back.
But back then, making my first film, getting invited back to set, cashing that check and having a ball, I WANTED more screen time, I WANTED to be in the scene longer and more, and come back into the scene right?
I shouldn’t have been there. Wooderson shouldn’t have been there.
It’s just as important where we are not as it is where we are.
The first step that leads to our identity in life is usually NOT “I know who I am,” but rather “I know who I AM NOT.” Process of elimination.
Defining ourselves by what we are NOT is the first step that leads us to really KNOWING WHO WE ARE.
You know that group of friends you hang out with that really don’t bring out your best? They gossip too much, or they’re kind of shady, and they really aren’t gonna be there for you in a pinch? Or how about that bar we keep going to that we always seem to have the worst hangover from? Or that computer screen that keeps giving us an excuse not to get out of the house and engage with the world and get some HUMAN interaction? Or how about that food we keep eating? Tastes so good going down but makes us feel like crap the next week when we feel lethargic and keep putting on weight?
Those people, those places, those things — STOP giving them your TIME and ENERGY. Don’t GO there, put them DOWN — and when you DO quit giving them your time, you inadvertently find yourself spending MORE time and in more PLACES that are more healthy for YOU, that bring YOU more joy — WHY?
Because you just eliminated the who’s, the where’s, the what’s and the when’s that were keeping you from your identity. Trust me, too many options makes a tyrants of us all. So get rid of the excess, the wasted time, decrease your options… and you will have accidentally, almost innocently, put in front of you, what is important to you by process of elimination.
Knowing who we ARE is hard. Give yourself a break. Eliminate who you are NOT first, and you’ll find yourself where you need to be.
6. DON’T LEAVE CRUMBS — and the beauty of delayed gratification
What are crumbs? The crumbs I’m talking about are the choice we make that make us have to look over our shoulder in the future.
You didn’t pay that guy back the money you owed him and tonight you just saw him sitting 3 rows behind you…shit…You slept around on your spouse and you just found out that tomorrow, she and the lady you’re having an affair with, are going to be at the same PTA meeting…shit again… You drank too much last night and you’re too hungover to drive your son to his 8 a.m. Saturday morning baseball practice. THESE ARE CRUMBS! They come in the form of regret, guilt, and remorse — you leave em today, they will cause you more stress tomorrow, and they DISALLOW you from creating a customized future in which you DO NOT have to look over your shoulder.
So…let’s flip the script. Instead of creating outcomes that take FROM us, let’s create MORE outcomes that pay us BACK, fill us up, keep your fire lit, turn you ON, for the most amount of TIME in your future.
These are the choices I speak of and this is the beauty of delayed gratification.
Tee yourself up. Do yourself a favor. Make the choices, the purchase TODAY that PAYS you back TOMORROW. RESIDUALS. In my business, it’s called “mailbox money.” I do my job well today, I get checks in the mailbox five years from now — heck of a deal.
So, whether its prepping the coffee maker the night before so all you gotta do is press the button in the morning, or getting ready for the job interview early so you don’t have to cram the night before, or choosing not to hook up with that married woman because you know you’ll feel horrible about it tomorrow (and her husband carries a gun), or paying your debts on time so when you do see that guy three rows back tonight — you don’t have to hunker down in your seat hoping he don’t see you. Get some R.O.I — RETURN ON INVESTMENT — Your investment. You. You customize your future.
DON’T LEAVE CRUMBS.
7. DISSECT YOUR SUCCESSES (and the reciprocity of gratitude)
We so often focus on our FAILURES. We study them. We obsess on them. We DISSECT them. We end up intoxicated with them to the point of disillusion.
When do we write in our diary? When we’re depressed. What do we gossip about? Other people’s flaws and limitations. We can dissect ourselves into self loathing if we’re not careful — and I find that most of the times our obsession with what is wrong just breeds more wrong and more failure.
The easiest way to dissect success is though gratitude. Giving thanks for that which we do have, for what is working, appreciating the simple things we sometimes take for granted. We give thanks for these things and that gratitude reciprocates, creating more to be thankful for. It’s simple, and it works.
I’m not saying be in denial of your failures. No, we can learn from them too, but only if we look at them constructively. As a means to reveal what we are good at, what we can get better at, what we do succeed at.
I’ve read a lot of my bad reviews, and the good “bad reviews,” written by the more talented critics, are constructive. They reveal to me what did translate in my work, what came across, what was seen, or what wasn’t. I don’t obsess on the unfavorable aspect of their review, but I do seek what I can learn from it — Because their displeasure actually uncovers and makes more apparent what I do do well, what I am successful at… and then I dissect that.
Life is a verb. We try our best. We don’t always do our best. Well, architecture is a verb as well. And since we are the architects of our lives, lets study the habits, the practices, the routines we have that lead to and feed our success… our joy, our honest pain, our laughter, our earned tears…Let’s Dissect THAT and give thanks for THOSE things… and when we do that what happens? We get better at them…and have more to dissect.
8. MAKE VOLUNTARY OBLIGATIONS
Mom and dad teach us things as children. Teachers, mentors, the government and laws all give us guidelines to navigate life, rules to abide by in the name of accountability.
I’m not talking about those obligations. I’m talking about the ones we make with ourselves, with our God, with our own consciousness. I’m talking about the YOU versus YOU obligations. We have to have them. Again, these are not societal laws and expectations that we acknowledge and endow for anyone other than ourselves. These are FAITH based OBLIGATIONS that we make on our own.
Not the lowered insurance rate for a good driving record, you will not be fined or put in jail if you do not gratify the obligations I speak of — no one else governs these but you.
They’re secrets with yourself, private council, personal protocols, and while nobody throws you a party when you abide by them, no one will arrest you when you break them either. Except yourself. Or, some cops who got a “disturbing the peace” call at 2:30 in the morning because you were playing bongos in your birthday suit.
An honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind, and when you lay down on the pillow at night, no matter who’s in our bed we ALL sleep alone. — These are your personal jiminy crickets. And there are not enough cops in the entire world to police them — It’s on YOU.
9. From can to want
1995. I got my first big paycheck as an actor. I think it was 150 grand. The film was Boys on the Side and we’re shooting in Tucson, AZ and I have this sweet little adobe guest house on the edge of the Saguaro National Park. The house came with a maid. My first maid. It was awesome. So, I’ve got a friend over one Friday night and we’re having a good time and I’m telling her about how happy I am with my set up . The house. The maid. Especially, the maid. I’m telling her, “she cleans the place after I go to work, washes my clothes, the dishes, puts fresh water by my bed, leaves me cooked meals sometimes, and SHE EVEN PRESSES MY JEANS!” My friend, she smiles at me, happy for my genuine excitement over this “luxury service” I’m getting, and she says, “Well…that’s great…if you like your jeans pressed.”
I kind of looked at her, kind of stuttered without saying anything, you know, that dumb ass look you can get, and it hit me…
I hate that line going down my jeans! And it was then, for the first time, that I noticed…I’ve never thought about NOT liking that starched line down the front of my jeans!! Because I’d never had a maid to iron my jeans before!! And since she did, now, for the first time in my life, I just liked it because I could get it, I never thought about if I really wanted it there. Well, I did NOT want it there. That line… and that night I learned something.
Just because you CAN?… Nah… It’s not a good enough reason to do something. Even when it means having more, be discerning, choose it, because you WANT it, DO IT because you WANT to.
I’ve never had my jeans pressed since.
10. A roof is a man made thing
January 3, 1993. NFL playoffs. Your Houston Oilers vs. Buffalo Bills. Oilers up 28–3 at halftime, 35–3 early in the 3rd. Frank Reich and the Bills come back to win 41–38 in overtime for one of the greatest comebacks in NFL history. Yeah, the Bills won, but they didn’t really beat the Oilers. The Oilers lost that game, they beat themselves.
Why? Because at halftime they put a ceiling, a roof, a limit on their belief in themselves, a.k.a the “prevent defense.” Maybe they started thinking about the next opponent at halftime, played on their heels, lost the mental edge the entire 2nd half and voila, they lost. In a mere 2 quarters defensive coordinator Jim Eddy went from being called DC OF THE YEAR and “the man first in line to be a HC next year” to a man without a job in the NFL.
You ever choked? You know what I mean, fumbled at the goal line, stuck your foot in your mouth once you got the microphone, had a brain freeze on the exam you were totally prepared for, forgot the punch line to a joke in front of four thousand graduating students at a University of Houston Commencement speech? Or maybe you’ve had that feeling of “Oh my God, life can’t get any better, do I deserve this?”
What happens when we get that feeling? We tense up, we have this outer body experience where we are literally seeing our self in the third person. We realize that the moment just got bigger than us. You ever felt that way? I have.
It’s because we have created a fictitious ceiling, a roof, to our expectations of ourselves, a limit — where we think it’s all too good to be true. BUT IT ISN’T. AND IT’S NOT OUR RIGHT TO SAY OR BELIEVE IT IS.
We shouldn’t create these restrictions on ourselves. A blue ribbon, a statue, a score, a great idea, the love of our life, a euphoric bliss. Who are we to think we don’t deserve or haven’t earned these gifts when we get them?
Not our right.
But if we stay in process, within ourselves, in the joy of the doing, we will never choke at the finish line. Why? Because we aren’t thinking of the finish line, we’re not looking at the clock, we’re not watching ourselves on the Jumbotron performing the very act we are in the middle of. No, we’re in process, the APPROACH IS THE DESTINATION… and we are NEVER finished.
Bo Jackson ran over the goal line, through the end zone and up the tunnel — the greatest snipers and marksmen in the world don’t aim at the target, they aim on the other side of it.
We do our best when our destinations are beyond the “measurement,” when our reach continually exceeds our grasp, when we have immortal finish lines.
When we do this, the race is never over. The journey has no port. The adventure never ends because we are always on our way. Do this, and let them tap us on the shoulder and say, “hey, you scored.” Let them tell you “You won.” Let them come tell you, “you can go home now.” Let them say “I love you too.” Let them say “thank you.”
TAKE THE LID OFF THE MAN MADE ROOFS WE PUT ABOVE OURSELVES AND ALWAYS PLAY LIKE AN UNDERDOG.
11. Turn the page
The late and great University of Texas football coach Daryl Royal was a friend of mine and a good friend to many. A lot of people looked up to him. One was a musician named “Larry.” Now at this time in his life Larry was in the prime of his country music career, had #1 hits and his life was rollin’. He had picked up a habit snortin’ “the white stuff” somewhere along the line and at one particular party after a “bathroom break,” Larry went confidently up to his mentor Daryl and he started telling Coach a story. Coach listened as he always had and when Larry finished his story and was about to walk away, Coach Royal put a gentle hand on his shoulder and very discreetly said, “Larry, you got something on your nose there bud.” Larry immediately hurried to the bathroom mirror where he saw some white powder he hadn’t cleaned off his nose. He was ashamed. He was embarrassed. As much because he felt so disrespectful to Coach Royal, and as much because he’d obviously gotten too comfortable with the drug to even hide as well as he should.
Well, the next day Larry went to coach’s house, rang the doorbell, Coach answered and he said, “Coach, I need to talk to you.” Daryl said, “sure, c’mon in.”
Larry confessed. He purged his sins to Coach. He told him how embarrassed he was, and how he’s “lost his way” in the midst of all the fame and fortune and towards the end of an hour, Larry, in tears, asked Coach, “What do you think I should do?” Now, Coach, being a man of few words, just looked at him and calmly confessed himself. He said, “Larry, I have never had any trouble turning the page in the book of my life.” Larry got sober that day and he has been for the last 40 years.
You ever get in a rut? Stuck on the merry-go-round of a bad habit? I have. You are going to make mistakes — own them, make amends, and move on. Guilt and regret kills many a man before their time. Turn the page, get off the ride. YOU are the author of the book of your life. Turn the page.
12. Give your obstacles credit
You know these No Fear t-shirts? I don’t get em. Hell, I try to scare myself at least once a day. I get butterflies every morning before I go to work. I was nervous before I got here to speak tonight. I think fear is a good thing. Why? Because it increases our NEED to overcome that fear.
Say your obstacle is fear of rejection. You want to ask her out but you fear she may say “no.” You want to ask for that promotion but you’re scared your boss will think you’re overstepping your bounds.
Well, instead of denying these fears, declare them, say them out loud, admit them, give them the credit they deserve. Don’t get all macho and act like they’re no big deal, and don’t get paralyzed by denying they exist and therefore abandoning your need to overcome them. I mean, I’d subscribe to the belief that we’re all destined to have to do the thing we fear the most anyway.
So, you give your obstacles credit and you will one. Find the courage to overcome them or see clearly that they are not really worth prevailing over.
BE BRAVE, HAVE COURAGE. WHEN YOU DO YOU GET STRONGER, MORE AWARE, AND MORE RESPECTFUL — OF YOURSELF, AND THAT WHICH YOU FEAR.
13. So how do we know when we cross the truth?
13. Why 13? Unlucky # right?
Well, when did 13 get the bad rap and become the mongrel of numerology? Thirteen’s never done me wrong. In fact, 13 has been a pretty lucky number for me, lemme tell you how:
I’ve always taken these 21 day trips by myself to far off places where I usually don’t know the language and nobody knows my name. They’re adventures and they’re a purge, a cleanse for me. Like a 21 day fast from attention, from all the things I have in my well appointed life. They’re a check OUT, so I can check IN with myself.
See how I’m doing, be forced to be my own and only company, to have a look in MY mirror. And you know what can happen when we do THAT — sometimes we don’t like what we see.
In 1996, right after I got “famous” from a film called A Time to Kill, I headed out on one of these 21-day walkabouts — this time to the jungles and mountains of Peru. The sudden fame I’d just gotten was somewhat unbalancing. My face was everywhere, everyone wanted a piece of me, people I’d never met were swearing they “loved me” — everywhere I went, there I was, on a billboard, a magazine cover. It was just weird. What was this all about? What was reality and what was bullshit? Did I deserve all this?” were all questions I was asking myself.
“Who was I?” was another.
Now, there’s always an initiation period with these trips. An amount of time that it takes for the place to INITIATE the traveler. The time it takes to disconnect from the world we left, and become completely present in the one we are traveling in…For me, that initiation period usually last about thirteen days. Yes. Thirteen hellish days until I’m out of my own way. After that, the trip is smooth sailing.
Well, it was the night of the twelfth day of my 21-day trip. I was settling into camp, I’d already hiked 80 miles to this point and had a three-day trek to Machu Pichu ahead of me.
I was sick of myself. Wrestling with the loss of my anonymity, guilt ridden for sins of my past, full of regret. I was lonely — disgusted with the company I was keeping: MY OWN — and doing a pretty good job of mentally beating the shit out of myself.
Grappling with the demons on this night, I couldn’t sleep. All of these badges and banners and expectations and anxieties I was carrying with me. I needed to free myself from them… Who was I? I asked myself. Not only on this trip but in this life. So I stripped down to nothing. I took off every moniker that gave me pride and confidence, all the window dressings, the packaging around my product (heart). I discarded my lucky and faithful American cap, stripped off my talismans from adventures past. I even discarded my late father’s gold ring he gave to me that was made from a meltdown of he and my mom’s class rings and gold from one of her teeth.
I was naked. Literally and figuratively. And I got sick. Soaked in sweat, I threw up until there was no bile left in my belly, and finally passed out from exhaustion.
A few hours later, I awoke on this thirteenth morning to a rising sun. Surprisingly fresh and energized, I dressed, made some tea and went for a morning walk. Not towards my destination Machu Pichu but rather to nowhere in particular. My gut was still a bit piqued from last night’s purge, yet I curiously felt pretty good: alive, clean, free, light.
Along a muddy path on this walk, I turned a corner and there in the middle of the road was a mirage of the most magnificent pinks and blues and red colors I had ever seen. It was electric, glowing and vibrant, hovering just off the surface, as if it was plugged in to some neon power plant.
I stopped. I stared. There was no way around it: The jungle floor in front of me was actually THOUSANDS OF BUTTERFLIES. There, in my path. It was SPECTACULAR.
I stayed awhile, and somewhere in my captivation, I heard this little voice inside my head say these words, “All I want is what I can see, and what I can see, is in front of me.”
At that moment, for the first time on this trip, I had stopped anticipating what was around the corner, stopped thinking about what was coming up next and what was up ahead. Time slowed down. I was no longer in a rush to get anywhere. My anxieties were eased.
A few hours later I returned to camp and packed for my continued journey onto Machu Pichu. I had a bounce in my step, new energy. The local Sherpas I was traveling with even noticed, calling out to me, “sois luz Mateo, sois luz!!!” — meaning “you are light” in Spanish.
You see, I forgave myself that morning. I let go of the guilt, the weight on my shoulders lifted, my penance paid, and I got back in good graces with God. I shook hands with myself, my best friend, the one we’re all stuck with anyway. From that morning on, the adventure was awesome. I was present, out of my own way, not anticipating next, embracing only what was in front of my eyes, and giving everything the justice it deserved.
You see, I crossed a truth that morning. Did I find it? I don’t know, I think it found me. Why? Because I put myself in a place to be found. I put myself in a place to receive the truth.
So, how do we know when we cross the truth?
I believe the truth is all around us, all the time. The answer, you know, it’s always right there. But we don’t always see it, grasp it, hear it, access it — because we’re not in the right place to.
So what do we do?
First, we have to put ourselves in the place to receive the truth. We live in an extremely noisy world with all kinds of frequencies coming at us — commitments, deadlines, fix this, do that, plans, expectations — and they all make it hard to get clarity and peace of mind. So we have to consciously put ourselves in a place to receive that clarity. Whether that’s prayer, meditation, a walkabout, being in right company, a road trip, whatever it is for you.
Schedule that time to be in a place to receive the truth.
Now, if we hear it, if it becomes clear, a truth that is natural and infinite, then the second part comes…
…which is to PERSONALIZE it. Ask how it works for you, how it applies to you personally, why you need it in your life, specifically.
…If we do THAT, then comes the third part:
….having the patience to internalize it — and get it from our intellectual head and into our bones and soul and our instinct. We can’t rush this part, it takes time.
And if we get that far. We received it, we personalized it, we internalized it. If we make it that far, then comes THE BIGGIE ….
Having the courage to act on it. To actually take it into our daily lives and practice it, to make it an active part of who we are and live it.
If we can do that, then we have what I believe is Heaven on Earth.
The place where what we want is also just what we need. I mean that’s the ticket isn’t it!!? That’s where I want to live!!
So while we’re here, let’s make it a place where we break a sweat, where we believe, where we enjoy the process of succeeding in the places and ways we are fashioned to. Where we don’t have to look over our shoulder because we are too busy doing what we’re good at. Voluntarily keeping our own council because we WANT to. Traveling towards immortal finish lines. We write our book. Overcome our fears. We make friends with ourselves.
That is the place I’m talking about.
Thank you, good luck and just keep livin.
https://shaadelyfe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/LIFE-ISNT-SUPPOSED-TO-BE-EASY…AND-IT-WILL-NEVER-BE.png10241024shaade LYFEhttps://shaadelyfe.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/SHAADE-lyfe-logo-black.pngshaade LYFE2023-01-15 09:20:202023-01-14 08:00:23Life Isn’t Supposed to be Easy…and it will never be
Hope is a strong word that can mean so many things: hope for the better, the worst, to be rich, to be happy, to feel fulfilled, to be an amazing athlete, to feel whole again……. My definition of hope begins with what can you achieve in a realistic mindset. Can you become the better man that you want to be for yourself or for others? I HOPE I can.
Over the past couple of years, it has been difficult to comprehend what the realistic outcome of any change would be. With the onset of the pandemic the whole world felt distant from each other. We no longer had the social interaction I so desperately needed, and it became the perfect storm that took my life on another path. I felt tired. My health was in disarray. I was complacent in what I had in front of me. I felt worthless and just a cog in the wheel. I worried night and day about when “normal” would come back. When would I feel the self-worth I was so desperately trying to achieve? I felt no hope at all. Hope-LESS
After years of tormenting myself in anxiety and depression, I’d say that hope eventually found me…and not in the best way. My body ached and I had sleepless nights. I felt so worn down and unhappy with my appearance I wanted to give up. I would be better off gone, I thought. But then, with a glimmer of hope I didn’t see in myself, my wife pushed/pleaded/insisted to get a physical. This is something I hadn’t done in over 15 years. Drumroll…..the bad news. Your liver is shot, kidneys a mess, cholesterol high and on the verge of diabetes, nerve problems, weight beyond reasonable, loss of memory, potential of cancer in your blood, and the list kept going. I saw more doctors and specialists over 3 months than I had in my entire life (not to mention all the blood work). I was 34….
That’s when HOPE reached out and saved my life.
Most people equate this to “the lightbulb turned on” notion. NO, mine was DO or DIE (physically or mentally). I did the tests, I then knew that if I didn’t change my behaviors and thoughts on both sides: I wouldn’t see my children grow up and they wouldn’t have a father I always wanted to be (irreparable), I’d be a bad partner and not commit to our vows for over 16 years (cowardly), I’d be a disappointment to my family and continuation of past experiences (guilt/recurrence), I’d be the pity of conversation with friends (embarrassment), I’d be the “guy” that couldn’t get over his own securities to save his life and the emotions of those around him (self-guilt).
Everything stated above was flowing through my head. Weird to think that with all that doubt and contradiction, end of life was still a thought. That’s #mental
It took time to calm down, but i knew that was the only way. Do some meditation, read some positive books (thanks Headway), workout to clear my mind. Most importantly, address my addiction with alcohol. I might not remember the exact day, but the day I chose to live for myself is the only reason I’m writing this today. My “light bulb turn ON”! From that day forward, while not always easy, I started applying the #mentalwork needed to be there for all those that needed me too. As an emotional person I think about the aftereffects “If” I were to do something selfish before doing so. I wish others would’ve done the same, but inner voices get you and they can’t overcome. I chose the feelings of those around me as a catalyst to be better. Get healthy, be present, seek help, feel the power of self-worth, work harder, appreciate what you have, HOPE to do better.
### This was a long story on my progression for HOPE and the possibilities, awareness, and simple therapeutic outlet I chose to explore, but more will come. My journey as of 1-2-2023 equates to: 45lbs lighter, anxiety reduced by action, bigger belief in self-worth, deeper understanding of HOPE, and my choice to exceed expectations.