Expectations

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What do you expect to do within your time on this earth? What do you expect from others in your life that can impact your thoughts and processes? Is it family life? Is it being a friend? Is it being a source of truth that someone else can rely on? Is it listening in and making a recommendation? What is “it”?

“It” Is the center of your core. It’s your humanity, your selflessness, your compassion, your memory.

Expectations are driven by what you see or what you feel that you “should have”. I’ve felt this way and I always wondered what my life would be if my parents were millionaires. I fantasized. I dreamed beyond my means. I even lived beyond my means, in real life. I now pay the prices of that. Debt. Payments. Responsibilities. That was all a fad or misbelief on what I should be doing or be in the eyes of those around me. I failed.

I was an idiot and I now look at what my expectations should truly be (if I only had a time machine….). Be smart, work hard, make a difference, be present in your space, and most importantly show that you can be a benefit to the world. I struggled to make a life outside of Utah even though Utah would’ve been a sound financial move. I could’ve continued the steady path to a great life. BUT, I took a chance on making a stance that I could dream beyond where I began. I wanted to see what wasn’t promised or expected. I will never regret that choice. I met great people. I began a life journey with someone that I would give everything for, my wife Ashley. I joined a family that showed no prejudice or judgement other than my character. They brought me in with open arms. I have friends and relationships that I never would have found in Utah. I gave life. I have more responsibility. I have an opportunity to shape the next generation, even though it’s a small piece of the world. I have family. I never expected family other than my parents and sister. I never expected to be a source of love beyond myself. But it happened. I couldn’t be more grateful.

Expectation cannot define you. You alone can define what you expect of yourself.

Disappointment. Madness. Pain. Hate.

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Life is a continuous cycle of emotion. You may think you can control it, but you cannot. People, weather, animals, well-being, wealth, kids, parents, and so on and so on. You cannot control it. But life comes with failure and disappointment. Disappointment is something that you wish would work perfectly but you were let down in some way. I see this with family. I see this with people that I should be close to. I’m disappointed in their actions, their thoughts and lack of self-awareness that bring someone close to me down. Why? I have my own personal problems and things I let myself down by doing, but I care about how others affect those closest to me. Why? I have a deep understanding within my feelings that make me think about others over myself. Most don’t. What I have seen is that you have the ability to not only affect yourself, but those closest to you. You have the choice to make a positive impact when things are bad.

Don’t Settle, your spirit lives on

If today were the last day of your life, would you change something? Would you make a personal choice to make a difference? Would you look back and think about what you could have done? Having a child, I see that everything today or yesterday is something more than my own life. I have lessons, learnings, laughs, love, life, that I want to share and hope goes beyond my years. So, don’t settle on the “satisfactory”. Don’t settle on what could have been. Life is a clock that will end at some time. It’s inevitable. What you do within those minutes, seconds, or hours is what will impact many around you. They rely on you. They look to you for information. They look to you for how you overcame issues so they can in the future. They look to your smile. They look to your spirit.

A spirit is something that never dies. Life is something that has a beginning and end. Spirit, however, is built on happiness, joy, love, hate, and continues to grow throughout the generations to come. Your spirit is your identity, not your physical self. I think back on those that changed my life.

  • My grandma, Margaret Farmer, who touched thousands of lives through 50 years of sewing and making time for others when she didn’t have to. It wasn’t monetary. She made me and all her grandchildren something personal every Christmas; and I see her spirit in everything I have today. She’s gone, but will never be forgotten. She taught me how to sew (yes that’s funny and also gets me into more tasks than I want). She taught me unconditional love when religion was a huge part of her life. She gave me life through my mother who is an exceptional person I will always strive to please and make happy. She shaped our family. I miss her every day.
  • My grandpa, Robert Ludwig, made time to make things better. He wasn’t necessarily there when we were little, but at some point he came around and wanted to dive into myself and my sister’s life. That took some time, but he made it a priority in his life. He took me on motorcycle trips. He let me wreck his motorcycle when I wasn’t big enough to ride it. He lived beyond his means to make us a part of an experience that I will never give back. He drove a school bus for handicapped children because he wanted to and had to make a living. He made life work. He had a heart of gold, but that took time to fully evolve. I never slight him for that. He made a choice to make us a priority and I will forever thank him for that. I think my dad would also reiterate that thanks for being there when it was needed, even when he wasn’t in the best state. I miss him every day.
  • My father in law, Greg Eveloff, was a man of his word. He prioritized who he wanted the world to remember him by. Caring, loving, loyal, consistent, a great father, a great husband. He gave me life through his daughter and family. He gave me hope and determination to do something beyond myself. His spirit was infectious. It was enlightening. It was inspirational. His spirit of love, care, family, and life fills my veins as I look at my boy, my wife. His spirit lives on and will never fade away. I was able to say goodbye, unfortunately. I miss him every day.

So when you think of spirit, it’s about what you can leave to those that care about you and those that never know you. Your spirit is something that no one can take away. They are yours to share, yours to steal, and yours to pass on. Your spirit contributes to the human “factor”. It’s your stamp even when cut short.

Some days work better than others (the what, who, and why)

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What do you look forward to? Who do you look up to? Who you choose to live up to, living or not? Why do you give thanks? That’s where you can look back on your life to feel good, feel respected, feel whole in some way that makes others understand your willingness to make a difference. Looking back on your life at 30, did you ever think that you would want a hero? You want to be a hero? Maybe not. Maybe yes. Fictional, or in real life. Not talking about cartoons or some movie you watched over the weekend, but more importantly the person(s) that made a difference in your life. What did you see in them that you admired? What qualities did you pick up on that you now spread to those around you? There are those days of thought and recollection. Days to diagnose what you did right versus what you did wrong. Yes, there will be more wrong than right. That’s you being human. It’s the learning beyond those bad days that make you who you are. That’s your choice. It’s your approach to channeling the hero within you. It’s your super power. It’s your willingness to change and be part of the human “element”. That’s what we do. That’s what you can do better. Pain, love, thanks, sadness, fame, success, and more and more. What does that mean to you?

Sleeping is your chance to live beyond your means

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How awesome is it to dream? To be within yourself and do things you would never do in real life. It’s pretty bad ass to feel that type of power and ability. In the longer term you have to come back. You have to assume that everything you dreamed was fantasy and beyond your ability on this earth. You woke up. That’s real. You have a slight sense of freedom to fly, to jump off buildings, to be bad without consequence, to be everything you wish you want to be. Again, that was a dream and it’s simply a factor of your brain that sees opportunity, but the path to achieve that isn’t fantasy. You have to work. You have to believe that dreams can come true when you put in the work. We have one life. One purpose. Regardless if you believe it or not, your dreams define what you want to be. So go after them. Be better. Be a stronger person that doesn’t have to be superman to get to the next level. Be that shining star in your kid’s life that they believe as the super hero we all want to be. Be special.

Dictating your life

Life is all about choices. It’s one step in front of the other. It’s looking to the sky while the breeze brushes your shoulders. It’s about listening to the billions of organisms around you. Whether you like It or not there are things you can do better. Be better, make better choices, think of your impact. Think of those around you. How do they view you? How do you view them?

Life is a matter of choices that you get to dictate. You can be a hated piece of crap. You can be the bigger brother your sister looks up to. You can be the son or daughter your parents always wanted. You can be the teammate that everyone can rely on. What do you want to dictate? It’s all choice. It’s the positives you take through life, it’s also the bad moments that you learn from. Those are defining moments. Those are moments that you can use in the future. They define you. They define your character. How do you dictate your life’s choices?

Break a sweat to better your life

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Some people feel that life is just a paycheck. It’s clocking in to do some work and then paying for what you signed up for. That’s not life. That’s not what you were put here to do. You were put here to do something beyond the payments or bills you see every day. You were put here to provide life, provide happiness, provide lessons that you know (good or bad) on to the next person. So break the sweat and contribute to this thing we call life. Work hard. Work smart. Work beyond materialistic things. Work to make a difference. It’s never going to be easy. Life cannot be obtained by chance, unless you are the 1% that get it through those before you. Don’t let that define you if that does happen. No one will respect you unless you give something back. You’ll always be the kid that got too much without ever working for it. So work for it. Break a sweat. Break a personal feeling to drive you to something better. We are all rich. Some more than others materialistically, but in heart and spirit it takes work to make us spiritually rich. Remember that and that you have the ability to “break a sweat” doing something impactful.

Prioritize YOU

You are your world. You are the simplest metric to define what you can contribute to others. You are the center of your universe. Your body, your mind, your spirit. You are the only thing you can control. Those 3 things identify what you can contribute to the outside world. So take that seriously.  Take your health through mind, body, and spirit seriously. If you have complications, change them. If you have health issues, fix them or take action. If you have spiritual beliefs, take them to your actions that effect others in a positive way. That’s your identity in this life. Know who you are, know who you are not. Prioritize the body you were created to use. Prioritize your mind. You make choices that you and others rely on. You are the driver in a very fast-paced world.

Disappointments

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Disappointment…..it happens. What can you learn from that? What can you make better? What can you choose to change in your regular life? That’s all about you. Whether it be a poor performance in your job or a lack of self-esteem. That happens. You have the opportunity to make a difference for YOU. It’s you that matters most as it reflects on those around you. You impact those around you. You impact the changes internally and push those on others around you. It’s your choice to make a positive impact. Don’t disappoint yourself. Don’t disappoint the world you have control over. Make a difference.

Light the fire

Do yourself a favor. Make a positive impact on someone or something that you can control. Light the fire within your spirit to make life about something more than what’s in front of you. What drives you? What makes you feel special? It can be donating to a great cause. It can be giving a few cents to the change bin at the checkout. It can be giving a dollar to the homeless on the side of that off ramp you see every day. Make yourself feel better. Make yourself feel thanks for being a good person. Make a difference even when it isn’t respected or reciprocated. You have the choice.

I continuously have the opportunity to be part of something bigger. Its not money. Its not more business deals. Its giving back from my success to do my best. That gets me going and also makes me reflect on what I have today. I earn to make the life of my child and family better. So when it comes to what you have today light the fire within yourself. Can you be better? Can you change one thing to improve someone else’s life? Can you live with your disappointments? Can you live with your failures? Can you light that “fire”? You can! Humanity is based on the principle of making things happen. Making things be better. Makings things last a lifetime. It is possible. Small things can generate big things. It’s all about the fire within yourself. It’s all about the “cause” that drives us. You have that. You have what it takes. Don’t take yourself or your fire for granted.

This little thing called “life”

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This little thing we call life is taxing. You can live with the feeling that you should be better, you should be more successful, you should be a better person. Stop that shit! I wish I could be a better husband, make more money, make more time, be more in touch with friends, yadda yadda the list goes on. You can dream of being better or plan on it, but something always gets in the way. Unless you focus on yourself (while being a better person) nothing will ever change. Those “what-ifs” are always “why-nots”.  You can’t make it happen unless you prioritize you. That doesn’t mean you drop family or friends by the waist-side, but you have to be happy to share happy. Sharing happiness is what makes us, as humans, be compassionate, respected, loved, cared for, cry when there are terrible things thousands of miles away, it’s the human “element”.  Compassion is what binds us together close or far, big or small. It’s your human element.

Being the mortar that holds things together  

You don’t have to be the “tough man”, you don’t have to be the “strongest person in the house”, you don’t have to be the “non-emotional stronghold that keeps the family together”. Just be you. You have to take experiences and learn from them. You are you, you will always be you. Things never work out perfect, they never play out the way we want them to. That’s the funny thing about life. It’s unpredictable.

So, go and hate yourself, it won’t change life’s plan. You can also love yourself

You can hate yourself. You can hate things you have done for a long time. You can also love yourself and share that with everyone around you. Do you love the smallest thing in your life? Maybe its driving to work alone and listening to music. Maybe it’s that moment of clarity when you see the sunset on the horizon? Maybe it’s the time you take a breath and are happy to be alive. Maybe it’s the smile on your favorite person’s face? Trust me, there’s plenty of people around me that have had more impact than I ever will. They showed love in times when it went against their beliefs. There are people that I watched pass away that had so much more to give. They made choices, even outside of their control, to bring happiness to others. They did it by being selfless, by enjoying the “moment” no matter the situation. They remembered and focused on what made others happy. It’s the human element to feel “compassion” for owned outcomes and those you cannot control, but know makes others happy. That’s the joy of life.

So why should you hate yourself? You shouldn’t. You can, but that leads to a dead end. It’s a path that you can work upon. It’s a path that can drive you to being satisfied (at the basic sense) to making you not hating you. You should enjoy the fact that you have hinderances and self-doubts, but have the capability to make a difference in your life and those around you. With every disappointment is a chance to make it better. With every failed opportunity one positive will come about…..as long as you believe it can happen. So stop hating yourself, start loving the life you have. People have it much worse than you. You have opportunity. You can always make it better. You have the choice

Joy and Life’s Celebrations

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You need to celebrate your life. Whether you’re sick or healthy you have a chance to breathe, to live, to see the next day. That gives us purpose. That gives us feeling that we have something to do or provide to someone else. There are a ton of things that can limit your joy. It’s the pain, it’s the cancer, it’s the hurt you feel from jeopardizing your ongoing spirit. Your spirit reflects on everyone around you. You have a bad and good. You need to satisfy each to make a difference internally and externally. Both play hand in hand. So celebrate life. Celebrate that you are on this earth and living whether it be good or bad.

A Deep dive in the Water

Think of this: When you dive into the pool or the ocean you become subjected to the surroundings. You have less control. You have the ability to listen. To hear the millions of things that surround you. It can be the sound of the waves, the breathes that keep you alive in that moment, the splashes of happiness of those around you. You have time to reflect. You have dived in to the water that provides clarity. Think of water like life. It’s an ecosystem of living things. You need to take a break and listen to the millions or exponential things around you. We are a small speck on a planet that spans thousands of years, BUT you can take the time to make something special. There’s a reason why a fraction of people have created opportunities that make your life better. Electricity, airplanes, cars, running water, air quality, technology. Those things were brought by a being’s choice to make a difference and make life easier for others. Life isn’t supposed to be easy by the way. These are bonuses. These are things that someone chose to do to lead to a better life success.

Life through the water 

I’ve talked about this before, but I see the opportunity and clarity that came through death. Water, as said before creates clarity. It removes the outside “noise” and creates a moment to think of what you are at that specific time. It’s your time. It’s also a time that can make you think. You have to think, listen. Cold, warm, fun, whatever it’s a time for things to happen. It’s also something that cannot be controlled. It’s a life-less experience. I think back on being part of the experience when one of my heroes lost his life in this “experience”.  He didn’t choose that place. He didn’t expect nor want to go to the next level in that place. BUT I feel that was a sign of clarity. It was a place that the world didn’t create noise and he was peaceful. Through struggle and pain, I feel that there was clarity and calm that made the journey to next life “peaceful”. It’s a feel of “floating away”. Sadly, he floated away beyond our reach. He took a moment unexpectedly to drift across the vast ocean that surrounds all of us. He made peace with the world around him. That’s a sad but magical thing. Water surrounds all of us and brings us life. It was in those last moments that his spirit chose to part ways with the physical world and become part of something more. He was fluid with his thoughts. He was ever changing much like the waves of the ocean. He was at peace with the sand, the water, and the wind that makes our planet live and breathe. His spirit made a choice. You have that choice too either in spirit or physical.