Shut it DOWN: The inner voice reality

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We all have that inner voice that compels us, tells us to do something, tells we aren’t worthy, we are not good enough, we can be better, we will never achieve greatness, we can do anything we put our mind to, we can change, we will fail, we will be better some day, we we we…… What does your voice tell you?

I certainly struggle with this every day. I expect the best but understand that I have obstacles, burdens, commitments, the strive to be the best self possible. It may not always be for me, for my family, for overall lifestyle, it is what it is. I suffer from the inner voice and its control over my every day life. #complacency

The voice can be good or bad, depending on the day, but it doesn’t have to be a WE. The “inner voice” has its own motives. It’s a calling to be better, to feel fulfilled, to be the best dad, the be the best husband. It can also break you down and make you look back on life in regret or self disappointment. It can also be your inner champion for growth OR your biggest critic. Can you channel the good and overcome the bad? I sure am trying.

At the end of the day we explore ourselves and we try and explain the reason we have life. We feel the burden, we feel the stress, we feel the need to be the pillar of strength to our family. We need more….we need to silence or learn to control the inner voice.

So here it is, I’m somewhat broken, I strive to be the pillar, I want to provide, I want to be more. I CAN! I can be the man i want to be! I can focus my mental thoughts on what matters most….ME.

One piece of content that I feel speaks true to myself and many other men out there is Dr. Robert Glover’s “No More Mr Nice Guy”

In this book you can begin to realize that the inner voice begins with you and what you can do to better understand your feelings and emotions. You can be a fulfilled individual, you can be proactive in your own care, you can be the voice of reason that guides you to betterment. You can be you!

As I overcome my own personal battles I push this on to the others in the world who see hope as something they’ll never achieve. It comes down to courage and the willingness to try and learn. Don’t pin yourself down to no end, change the mindset to know that happiness is achievable. It’s there, you just have to want it.

Some key points:

  • “How come I always seem to give so much more than I get?”
  • “All I want is to be appreciated. Is that asking too much?”
  • “I can never do it right.”
  • Scream at yourself to be better
  • Be the man you want to be
  • Understand your worth
  • Be YOU

It’s been awhile…..

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So I have been distant, been pulled back, been out of the story game for a minute. Not by choice, but by responsibility (life has been amazing overall). I love my little man and have devoted more time to him and my beautiful wife than messages. My message still remains clear: I love my family, I want to be better, I want to deliver a message that makes sense, I love everyone around me that makes me better, I want life to be an example that everyone can be proud of! We have a single purpose, so we all have to live it.

So a question or challenge comes to mind: “What do you feel as the biggest challenge in your life?”. Do you feel that you can accomplish what you want in the near future? Do you have the needed support system? Do you have the drive internally to make it happen? What is holding you back? Do you love yourself?

Life if ever changing…

So what, who cares? Are you happy? Do you feel “full”? This is what I live by every day of my life. It’s a constant that I can live by and bring to the to the table. Something that makes everything worth living. The pain, the fun, the hardships that make you as a person to overcome. That is what makes you human. That’s what makes you “whole”. Overcome and conquer your life as you only have one chance.

Embrace the fun, the bad, the pain, the love from family, the struggles that make you appreciate everything around you. Embrace the experience. You have 100 years (if you’re lucky, more realistically 80+) to do something, what do you want to accomplish versus being remembered by? Take control. Make a difference. Donate, volunteer, think of those that have it worse than you. You are not the 1%. There are people that need it more than you! You have breathe and you have drive. Make something of that!

America…Remembered

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17 years ago, life was great. Walking through high school things were as normal and expected. In our calm community in Utah everything was great. We were in a bubble. We had simple tasks or homework to think about. My friends and others did what we normally did, we went to class late, we talked about the weekend or after school activities, we did what we did every other day (learn…. I guess without goofing off). Then life changed. America was HIT! Our solemn and powerful nation was jumbled by the poor choices by those that wanted to send a message and those that thought making a difference was by killing people, particularly America (a melting pot of every nation and proactive protector of human life). WTF?! Kill as many as possible and that was a success! WTF again?!

I remember sitting in my classroom and our teacher said we need to watch the news and think about what was going on. Multiple planes, thousands of deaths, major security issues, indescribable acts against what we feel as “safe”. I’m hesitant, I’m questioning my safety, thinking of my family, thinking of what can be next. What do we do? I’m pissed and shocked at the same time. I sat in a room for 12 hours looking at what happened to New York. I’m sick. I’m sad. I’m disappointed in humanity. 17 years later I’m still lost. Why why why?

It’s a tragedy that we will never forget, but will continue to repeat itself in this world unless we all remember what the gift of life is about.

Making sense of things, the hero’s, the hate and those that lost

I watched the recap last night of the terrible things that happened 17 years ago. I cried. I got angry. I felt like it was yesterday. I was proud on top of that. The men and women that sacrificed their lives to help those that were caught in an act of terrorism. The world and us, as a nation, don’t deserve the pain that was given. I understand that this violence happens in other countries every day. How and why? What is the end motive? How does that violence bring an end goal? It doesn’t. It only spurs more hate and suffering.

So we, as a nation, think of all the good lives lost. Either from acts such as 9/11 or in our every day lives. Good people. Great human beings that brought love and inspiration to our lives. Lives that were cut short due to illness or selfless acts. They will never be forgotten. We can do better. We can be better. We can carry on their mission to a better world for our family and friends.

So, to all those that have given their lives or devotion to make my life and others better, I commend you. I appreciate you. I want to be like you. We have a gift as human beings to be strong, be respectful, be honest and kind. We are the human element, we can make a difference. So I only ask one thing, what can you do today that will transform tomorrow?

4 Years and counting

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It seems like just yesterday we were laying on the beach, talking about online orders, enjoying a beach drink as the waves splashed over our toes. Then as night came we fixed a big dinner, played cards against humanity, joked about your new hat, listened to the ocean, sipped on our favorite Jameson drink, laughed and enjoyed our time together. I can’t believe that was 4 years ago. I miss you.

What was a magical week, and it was magical, turned into a distant memory I wish never ended. You are a figure that we can never replace. We have grown to build our own story with you forever in the back of our minds. Your smile, your goofy laugh, your loud snoring, your tenacity and dedication to work and family. We miss you.

So here we are 4 years later without you to provide guidance and love. You have a beautiful and spunky grandchild Cruz. Your wife has become an independent force that you would be so proud of. Your baby girl is beyond successful and a beaming representation of you. The family unit that you made so much a part of your life has grown in your memory. They knew they had to go on. They had to be brave. They had to be strong. They knew you would be looking over them. You are here and have made the past 4 years something we can all bring into the next 4+ years. Your kindness and focus on family has given us the strength to remember and be strong. We miss you.

This day comes with happy and sad

There is pain and sadness when I think of August 30th. I had to let you go. I had to watch you struggle and knew you wouldn’t come back. I had to grow up in a second to be a pillar of hope for your family. I had to become something I never thought I would need to be for many years. I had to say goodbye.

I remember that day as if it was yesterday. Loading up the van with all of our gear, enjoying your favorite Hawaii fish sandwich, schlepping all of our beach chairs across the sand, checking in with the beach shop to see if we could get water “noodles”, convincing you to go snorkel. We swam, we laughed, we took pictures, then everything changed. It was your time and I hope, if you can hear me, that I tried my best to do everything. I didn’t want to lose you. Unfortunately, God had another plan.

For years I embraced you as a father figure when my own was hundreds of miles away. I respected your passion in family and hard work. From college parties, super bowls, vacations, dinners, and everything in between you were always present in understanding and compassionate when we needed you. You gave us so much that its impossible to ever forget or let those memories go. We will never forget, we will always miss you.

I will always love you Greggerino, you were a true gentleman and caring soul on this earth. You were taken too early, you had something that everyone could learn from, you were unique. You were one of a kind. Thank you for everything you have done for me, your baby girl now my wife, your amazing wife that does so much for us, your legacy of compassion, your presence that I feel every day to get me through the good and bad times. On August 30th the world lost a great man, but we will never forget the imprint you left on us and those around you. I know you would be so proud of your family. We miss you always and forever.

Friends are Everything

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Friends come in many forms: mentors, schoolmates, people to lean on, and more. They help us keep everything real and bring us back to the life we have to live every day (sometimes in a bubble). I am thankful for the friends in my life. Some I see every day, some once a year, others even longer than I would want. But the time together makes it all worth it. After spending close to a week away from work and all the madness I got to see what true friendship is like. The immediate connection, our expanded families, immersive experiences I look forward to every time I see them. They embrace us like we see them every day. They take away our worries and troubles because they care and “want” to be there. I couldn’t be more grateful.

Friendship as a moment of growth

I love my friends and all they do. I would do anything for them. I don’t get to see them that much and that sucks, but everything above answers why I would call them “family” versus just “friends”. They also bring life and love to my family. Spending close to a week with a toddler isn’t easy (especially when he got sick), but they picked up the pieces instantly. They comforted him, they brought him in to the mix with their own kids, they were an extended source of parents when we needed it. We got to play “parents” to their kids when they needed it. I cherish the moments that we have as I see us growing old and watching our kids have the same friendship. It’s something I never had growing up but cherish now that I know my kids have lifelong families, even in different places. Once again, I couldn’t be more grateful. I thank you!

Mentors & Heroes that Shape Us

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There’s so some great things in this world. The times we look back, the times we think of what we have, the times that we feel for someone else. I tear up when I see the experiences when a dad returns from duty to surprise his sons after a year of being across the world. I respect him. I cry for him. I get it. Those are our heroes. They are their heroes! They are the people that create a life for my own child, my own family, my own personal experience. They make my cry and make me happy all day every day. So what do you as a person do to create an experience like that? You don’t have to dedicate your life or put yourself on the line that may involve death. You simply have to be just and kind. Be good, be respectful, be true to the human spirit.

So I cry when I see those things. I cry as I have always had my dad right next to me. I’m lucky. I appreciate that he may be quirky, a rogue bandit, but has always given me guidance and strength. I cry because I care and respect what I have. I take that understanding and point it towards what I have also lost. A great mentor. A great “second Dad” if you will. A driver of humility and compassion. I lost. I seek for a replacement, but know that there will never be one. There will never be. But I respect what I have as most don’t have that. Many struggle for answers and closure. I have a pillar of humanity I can rely on, my dad. I feel for those that don’t. I love my Dad, I love what he does and what he has done for me and my sister, and my Mom.

My Dad, My Mentor, Experiences Driven by Life

My Dad has always been a mirror of my own self-being. He’s tough, he created a business that gave my sister and I a better life, a home that we shared amazing experiences. He lit me up when I was out of line. We butted heads, we utilized my mom as the “peace keeper” during high school cause we agreed to disagree. But he’s my best friend (outside of Ashley today). He was the first employer to fire me (I was lazy). He gave me balance. He also has struggled through life and family. He made me a better person and stronger partner for those I work with. He inspired me with hard work brings great results.

I thank you Dad every day and always.

my dad

Where We Began

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Life as a young “go for everything” type of child I knew that I could create trouble, be a mischievous wild man. My parents didn’t like that. I don’t blame them. I disappeared without notice. That cannot happen in today’s world. I remember getting ready for school and sneaking out to ride skateboards on my butt using my socks as the brakes. I went to school with holes in my socks. I was crazy. I also snuck out when we were moving to our new home to build a snow fort in my neighborhood friend’s backyard. That fort collapsed, and it became serious situation. My friend was ok after digging and digging. My mom was pissed. I don’t blame her. She was and has always been my protector. She always looked to where I was. I was crazy, but she is always there for me.

So that brings a great topic. Our parents bring something of understanding and protection throughout our lives. They care. They struggled to create us and they make things work. I think of that being a father now. I want everything for my little man. Cruz is the absolute best thing that has ever come in to my life, beyond my love for his mom. She is his rock. She takes pride in providing everything he needs and wants. I love her for that. The beginning of life is what shapes us as adults and members of this thing we call life. Mothers are where it begins.

my mom keena ludwig

A letter to my Wife

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There are times that are hard, times that are taxing, times that we love, laugh, cry, contemplate, celebrate, and more. I Love you! You are the most important person that has ever happened to me. You make me whole. You remind me that life is not about money or material crap that we can be mad about not working. You make me whole. I love the spirit you have. The drive to make a difference in your own life. The love you have for our child (and he loves you whole hearted). The special aspects or your father that made you the person you are today. You are special. You are a shining reflection of what is good in this world. You are my world. I’ll love you til the day I die. Ill love you for everything you represent. You are strong. You are caring. You are everything a man or father could pray for. You are my best friend and I love you for that. Don’t ever give up on your drive, don’t ever give up on what you makes you happy, don’t ever think that we will love less. We love you! We appreciate you! We appreciated everything you do!

Remembering the Best

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Throughout life we all have those that shaped us, molded our feelings, created models that we would one day follow and fulfill. They are our mentors. They can be physical mentors we see every day but also those we find through books, tv, or some other source. But they change and mold you to who you are today and who you may become. So, who is your mentor? Your spiritual source?  I know mine.

In 2014, I lost one of the most amazing people that have graced this earth. He was kind. He was compassionate. He was family oriented. He was a great leader. He was understanding. He was fun. He was always open to change and took the high road at all time. He was a legend. He gave me everything from day one. He never judged me. He gave me his daughter whole heartedly. He chose me to send him to the afterlife. I miss him every day.

greg eveloff in maui

Some things can never be expressed. Your love, your every moment with someone else. Life will go on. The world will continue to change as new life is created and old lives end. It sucks, but that’s life. Cherishing those moments are what create your legacy. Our moment in time is what makes us special. It’s also what makes others remember us for what we offered to the world we all have to continue living in.

greg eveloff

Remembrance is key. People suffered, loved, lived before you could take your first breathe. Remember that. The greats and inspirational people before us sacrificed something to give you a better life. They should be remembered as the source of your being, but more importantly the life values you follow. Greg Ira Eveloff was and will forever be my source of human will, passion, drive, selflessness. He was and will forever be my hero.

Saying Goodbye and Reflection

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In the story of life you have 80-100 years to make a difference, create family, create life, navigate good and bad times. That’s life. You aren’t going to live forever. You aren’t going to accomplish everything you wanted to.  But we always return to saying goodbye to those we love. Those we looked up to and struggle to compete against and those that we didn’t know but want to be. They are the identifiers that we live by in our early stages. They are our heroes/mentors/etc. They form our personal goals.

So what happens when they say goodbye for the last time? They take that next step to the other side of life and leave you to complete the path. They were the foundation. What do you take from that experience? What do you do to expand their mission? Do you stop, reflect, and sit within your current day to day? What do you do? No one but you can answer that….

Reflections

I personally struggle talking about past experiences, but feel they are important. I was introduced to someone that took life to the next level. He thought of family as most important, but took an extra step to engage with those that didn’t have what he had, or couldn’t achieve what he accomplished (it all takes time). He created his own path with struggle, so be clear it wasn’t given. He hustled and worked hard. He gave back even though he didn’t have to. Kids, families, struggling people that couldn’t do it on their own, he took responsibility as a human and dedicated time to make their lives better. He was a super hero. He continues to be my hero. Sadly I held my super hero as he faded off to the sky.